Camp Griffin Halloween special
by Homeydaclown
Summary: It's fall at Camp Griffin. Everyone's preparing for the Halloween party. Meanwhile, thugs rob a bank. How will all this end up? Camp Lazlo/Family Guy crossover. Lazlo/Patsy moments & OCs. Rated M for gun & carchase. Please REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Camp Griffin's Halloween special

_As always, the same old, same old. I only own the characters, I create. Everybody else & everything belong to their owners._

It was a crisp cool fall day at _Camp Griffin_. Leaves was falling off the trees, and the wind blew a bit. The scene quickly cuts to some campers, playing dodgeball. One of the campers threw a dodgeball at a unknown male camper's crotch. "Oww! **MY BALLS! MY BALLS!!**" he cried as the other campers, Nelson Muntz, & the audience laughed at his pain. The scene quickly cuts to the lake. Peter Griffin, Brian, Cleveland, & some of the other campers, were fishing and doing other water activities. "Ah! There's nothin' like fishin' on a cool fall day!" Peter exclaimed as he threw his line back in the water. "Yep! You can say that again!" Brian said, putting a worm on his line. Peter then turned his attention to Cleveland. "So, are you gonna have some of the campers, help you prepare the fish, just like the last time?" he asked. "I wasn't plannin' on it, Peter." Cleveland said as he took out his line from the water. "Come on!" Peter whined. "The last time, you'd had campers help you prepare fish, it turned out to be very good!" Cleveland thought about it, and it took several minutes. "Okay. Okay! I'll have the same four campers, to help me." Cleveland muttered. "**SWEET!**" Peter said. Then Cleveland turned to the campers, that was on the boat with them. The campers were; Lazlo, Patsy, & her two cousins; Annette 'Penny' Smiles & Mercedes 'Benz' Smiles. "Ya'll don't mind, if you help me prepare tha fish again, do ya?" he asked. "What is he talkin' 'bout, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked Penny. "Well, _Benz_." Penny said as she put her line in the water. "We'd help prepare some fish, with _C Brown_ last year." she explained. "Is there gonna be a flashback?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." said Penny.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny, with Patsy & Lazlo, where they was in the kitchen cutting & preparing the fish. This was around the time, Penny scared off Edward.

Penny:(Cutting the fish angrily) Dat goddamn beaver-duck lookin' n_(bleep)_a! How dare he!  
Patsy:(also cutting fish angrliy)Yeah! Cheeky Brooklin c_(bleep)_t, he is!  
Lazlo: Damn! I've never saw ya'll so pissed before!  
Patsy:(turns to Lazlo) I'm sorry dear, that you have to see us that way, but that word, just pisses us off!  
Penny:(cuts ups some more fish) Yeah!

Then her Gordon Ramsay-like expertise jump starts, sorta speak.

Penny:(fake british accent) _Dat bloody, fuckin', doll playin' wanka! Motherfuckin' punk-ass preverted douche'!_

Everybody noticed this.

Cleveland: Whoa! What language! You're cussin' more than I do at my deli's annual 'Ridculious day!  
Patsy: I guess, that's the 'Gordon Ramsay expertise' Penny was talkin' about!  
Lazlo: Yeah, that's it!  
Penny:(still in british accent) _Fuckin' bloody-ass republican! Stupid ass, cheeky bastard, New York c(bleep)t!  
_Lazlo: Uh, Patsy. How do we make her stop talkin' like that?  
Patsy:(takes out a cold can of _'Squirt'_ from out of nowhere) By givin' her some of her favorite soda, _'Squirt'_!

She gives Penny the soda.

Patsy: Hey Penny. Are you thirsty?  
Penny:(still in british accent) _I say, I bloody am, Patsy old bean!  
_Patsy: Well, here you go!

Penny opens the soda, and gulps it down instantly. Then she let out a Barney Gumble type burp.

Penny:(back in her normal voice) Ahh! Now, dat's refreshin'!

Then she looks at Lazlo, Patsy, & Cleveland.

Penny: Did I go into a Gordon Ramsay-like type rant?  
Lazlo: Yep!  
Patsy: Yeah!  
Cleveland: Dat was pretty cool, Penny! Dat Gordon Ramsay impression, was dead on perfect!  
Penny:(blushing a bit) I-I-I guess, I'd learned too much from Ramsay!

Patsy: I guess so! It's a good thing, I gave you that _'Squirt'_!  
Penny: What?  
Lazlo: Patsy gave you a can of _'Squirt'_. Why, you don't like _'Squirt'_?

Penny picks up the _'Squirt'_ can.

Penny:(looks at the can dreamily) Who loves tha citrus taste of _'Squirt'_? A-A-Annette loves _'Squirt'_! Is it ture? Mmhmm! I do! I do! I do! I do-oo!  
Patsy: Oh god! Do you have to do that every time, you drink that soda?  
Penny: Yeah!  
Lazlo: Ha! Ha! You sound like Kel Mitchell, when you do that, Penny!  
Penny: I do, don't I?

Everyone nodded. Penny looked slowly into the camera.

Penny: I hope, Kel Mitchell doesn't mind! Hee! Hee!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

"Ha! Ha! Dat ole _'Squirt'_ can routine." Mercedes laughed. "Dat never gets old!" "Yeah. I really enjoy doin' dat, everytime, I'm 'bout to drink some _'Squirt'_!" Penny laughed. Then she notices Mercedes' line pulling. "_Benz_! I think you got a bite!" Penny pointed out. Mercedes turned to see, that Penny was right. "_Oh shit_!" she exclaimed as she grabbed her line. "Come on, you cheeky c_(bleep)_t!" She finally pulled the fish out of the water. It was a big one! "Damn _Benz_! Dat's one hell of a fish!" Penny awed. Peter looked at Mercedes' fish. "That fish is bigger, than the one in my hand." He holds up a puny fish. "Very good job, Ms. _Benz_." "Hell, that five times bigger than any of my fish." Brian said. "And tad bigger than mine's." Lazlo said. "And a bit bigger than mine's." Patsy said. "Ya'll still didn't answer my question." Cleveland interrupted. "Are ya'll gonna help me prepare tha fish?" "Sho, why not?" Mercedes said. "I know, how to prepare fish." "It's not like we have anything else to do." Lazlo said to Patsy & Penny. "I suppose you're right, dear." Patsy said. "I don't know." Penny muttered. "Did I mentioned, dat you get payed afterwards?" Cleveland asked. "**NO, YOU DIDN'T!!**" Penny exclaimed. "Okay. I join ya'll."

While all this fun was happening, up on the northeast side of Prickly Pines. At a bank, there was a robbery going down. "**ALL RIGHT! THIS IS A ROBBERY!! EVERYBODY GET ON THA FUCKIN' GROUND!!**" the robber shouted. "**OH SNAP! IT'S A BANK ROBBERY!!**" screamed someone. "Duh, you've figure that one all by yourself?" said the bank teller to the stupid idiot. "**SHUT UP!!**" screamed the robber. "**I TOLD YO' ASS, TO GIT ON THA FUCKIN' FLOOR!!" NOW!!**" Then the robber shot his gun into the air. Everyone got onto the floor. Then the robber went to the bank teller. "Give me all yo' money or **ELSE!!**" he shouted as he shoved a gun into the teller's face. "Alright! Alright! I know the procedure. I do work at a bank, you know!" the bank teller said as he gave the robber the bag of cash. The robber smiled, then he turned to the hostages. "**NOW, DON'T MOVE A FUCKIN' STEP!! COUNT TO A MILLION!!**" he barked. Everybody just looked at him. "**DO IT!!**" the robber shouted as he shot his gun into the air again. Everybody started counting franticly. "Perfect." the robber said and lefted. The bank teller stood up. "Oh, hell nawl! He ain't gonna get away, with my money!" then the teller pressed the alarm button. The robber was outside, when he heard the alarm bell ringing. "Oh shit! Dat fuckin' teller pressed tha alarm! Now tha police's after my ass!" he exclaimed. "I must go to my hangout, until tha heat is off!" Then he jumped into his car, and went towards his hangout.

"That's enough fishin' for the day." Peter said as he pulled a fish off of his fishing pole. "Yeah." Brian said. "Besides, it's time for my, uh, yoga class! Yeah!" Everybody looked at him. "What? I take a yoga class. Is that a crime?" "No, that's not a crime." Patsy started. "But, I've never knew a guy, who actually does yoga." "Well, you learn something new everyday, Patsy!" Brian said as he started the boat. "I think, he's doin' somethin' else, beside dat gay-assed yoga, _Benz_." Penny whispered to Mercedes. "Yeah. I think, he's actually drinkin'." Mercedes said. Soon, they were off the boat. "Okay, ya'll. Meet me in tha kitchen, and we'll start preparin' tha fish." Cleveland said and lefted. "I sure hope, he's not gonna invite Edward again." Patsy sniffed. "Yeah. I don't feel like throwin' my knife at a bastard, today!" Penny sniffed. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about this throwin' tha knife, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "Well _Benz_. As you should know, dat Edward bastard, called me & _P_ a couple of bitches. So, I threw my knife at his ass!" Penny sniffed. "So, did you get him?" asked Mercedes. "No. I'd just threw it, so I can scare him, and I did!" Penny laughed. Just then, the aformentioned platypus with Stewie walked by. They were carrying some bags & boxes. Penny noticed them. "Isn't dat right, _G_!" she said as she slapped Edward on the back, making him drop his boxes. He was cross, of course. "What the hell's..." he stopped in mid-sentence to see Penny. "Oh! H-Hey there, M-Ms. Penny!" Edward said as he started sweating. "I-I-I didn't noticed you there! S-So, what did you say?" "I was just tellin' _Benz_, 'bout tha time, we was cuttin' fish, and you called me & Patsy bitches, & I threw my knife at you." Penny explained. "Oh yeah! Yeah!" Edward said nervously. Just then, Stewie, still with boxes in his hands, came up to him. "I say, platypus. What the bloody hell are you..." Then he noticed Penny & Mercedes. "Oh! Hey _Hip hop girl_ & _Fancy car girl_! How are you?" Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Cheeky little c(_bleep)_t! What's in tha boxes, kid?" "This? These are halloween decorations. Platypus & I are hangin' them up with Lois, Meg, & Quagmire." Stewie explained. "Quagmire's gonna be with Lois & Meg?" Lazlo asked. Stewie nodded. "That's not gonna end well." Lazlo laughed. "We've got to get goin', you cheeky orange bastard!" Edward sniffed. "And, we've got fish to cut up!" Lazlo said happily. Then he sniffed crossly. "Silly Bronx bastard!" They all leave to their destinations.

At Peter's office, Peter just came in. "Ahh! Time to rest, with a beer!" he said as he threw his tackle box on his desk. Then he went to the refridgerator. He opened it. There was no beer. "What? No beer?! That Damn Lois!" Peter sniffed as he grabbed a soda. "Looks like, I have to drink a soda, instead!" Then he went back to his desk. "Well, might as well, start on my _'scoutmaster duties'_!" Peter exclaimed as he turned on the tv. The news was on. They was at the bank, were the robbery from earlier in the chapter, took place. "Looks like there was a hubbub at the bank." Peter said as he turned up the tv.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
Diane: Now, we go to our Asian Correspondent Tricia Takanawa...

Someone then hands her a piece of paper.

Diane: No, wait! Scratch that! Now, we got to our new Correspondent, Debra Dainel, at the scene of the crime. Debra?

It cutsaway, to a beautiful medium-toned black woman. She had shoulder length dark hair. She was wearing a red suit, black pants' & black heels. She was reporting about the robbery.

Debra: Diane, there was just a robbery here at the northeast side bank. There was shots fired, but luckily no one was hurt. Unfortunately, the robber escaped. The police told me, that the bank robber, is armed & dangerous, and the public should be on the lookout for suspcious persons. There's an award out for the robber's arrest. Now back to you, Diane.

It cuts back to the News station.

Diane: I'll keep an eye out for him, Debra. Now this.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Oh shit! A bank robber's on the loose!" Peter exclaimed. "I'd better warn Joe!" Then he gets on his cell phone. Meanwhile, Joe was at the weight room, lifting weights, when he got the call. "Hello?" Joe said as he answered his phone. "Yeah. Did you see, the new episode of _'The George Forman show'_ last night?" Peter asked on the other end. "No. I don't really care about, reality shows, Peter." Joe said. "Whhhaaattt?! I can't believe, that you don't like reality shows?" Peter said. "They're entertainin'!" "I can't believe this shit!" Joe sniffed. "Reality shows are savin' this country's television networks!" Peter ranted. "If it weren't for reality shows, we'd all be stuck with news, god awful sitcoms, sports, and the very out-of-date cartoons/animated programs!!" "Uh, Peter. You do know, this is a cartoon/animated program?" Joe asked. "Oh damn! I-I-I forgot about that! Hee!Hee!" Peter said nervously. "Well, anyway. Keep guard on the campgrounds, 'cause, there was a bank robbery, & they haven't caught the bastard, that did it. So, if you see any strange persons that doesn't belong here, throw their ass out!" "Okay Peter." Joe replied. Then he hung up his phone. Then he took out his club.

Meanwhile, the bank robber was at his hangout, which was up the river from the camp. "Those fuckin' po-pos, will never look towards this area!" he laughed. "They never do!! Me an' my hoods will hide out here, an' when tha heat is off, we're git tha hell away from here!!" He opened the door, well more like kicked the door in. Inside, was a lot of thugs. They were playing pool, dice, & basketball. Most of them was watching tv. And some of them was playing poker. One of them noticed him. "Yo! _'Big man_'s back, wit tha green, y'all!" They all noticed _'Big Man'_. "I see, dat you did it, witout those, fuckin' po-po's arrestin' yo' ass!" said as black female gang member. "Yeah! Now shut tha fuck up!" _Big Man_ sniffed as he sat in his big leather massage chair. "Now, go in there, and git some food, beeoutch!" "Aight! Aight! I'll git yo' ass some food!!" the black female gang member sniffed. "Fuckin' tiny dicked n_(bleep)_a!" "So, wat are we gonna do now?" one of the gang members asked _Big Man_. "We'd gonna chill here, 'till everyone fo'get tha robbery!" Big Man said. "When's dat gonna be?" the member asked. "How tha hell, should I know!!" _Big Man_ sniffed. "Damn! Ya'll as clueless, as Enimem was, at tha _BET awards_!!"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Enimem was at the _BET awards_.

Enimem: Yo! I'm Enimem, and I's like to rap!! I come from _Mo-town_ .  
Man in audience: Boo! You suck!

Enimem:( in nerdy voice) I know.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Back at camp, Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was in the kitchen, preparing the fish. "How 'bout we have a little music?" Patsy asked. "I don't care." Lazlo said. "Dat's fine with me." Mercedes added. "Just don't put on no fuckin' country station, _P_! Dat'll be a wise thing!" Penny sniffed as she cut up some fish. So Patsy turned on the radio. "_Yeah! Yo, ya'll! D to tha Wayne here! Suck-free countdown, dat's what you rockin' to! And it's tha afternoon, ya'll! Before we start tha show, we've gotta git our bill payed. So, we're goin' to commercial!_" the DJ on the radio said. "Oh damn!" Patsy sniffed. "Fuckin' radio commercials! They're worster than those on tv!" Penny sniffed. Just then there was a special announcement on the radio. "_This is Criminal Killers. Today, there was a robbery at the east side bank! Tha fuckin' dude escaped! So, the pol-ice needs yo' help! If you see a huge black man wit a gun, and bling; call tha cops! There is a 8.9 million dollar reward, if this n(bleep)a's caught! Now, back to tha show!!_" "Oh snap! Did you hear dat shit?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah. Some asshole robbed the bank." Lazlo said. "Yeah. Plus, there's a reward for his capture!" Patsy exclaimed. "Mmm! Just think, of what you can buy with all dat green!" Penny exclaimed as she cut up some more fish. Then they all started dreaming. Mercedes dreamed, that she brought the city of Chicago. Penny dreamed, that she owned the _NBA_, _BET_, & hundreds of SUVs. Lazlo dreamed, that he & Patsy lived in a big manison, with maids, butlers, cars, & lots of kids. Patsy dreamed the same thing as Lazlo, except with an asskisser. "Oh yes. Bow down to me, asskisser!" Patsy said. Everyone looked at her. "What?" she asked. "I think, you was dreamin' out loud again, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Oh!" Patsy muttered as she blushed a bit. "More fish cuttin' and less day dreamin'!" Cleveland ordered. Soon, the fish cutting was done. "Ah. Now dat's done!" Cleveland said. "Thank you." "So, what do ya'll wanna do now?" Mercedes asked. "I'm gonna play pool." Penny said. "Lazlo & I are gonna watch _'Jerry Springer'_." Patsy said. "Yeah. Today. It's gonna be about some slut sleepin' with eleven midgets!" Lazlo added. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Did you say a slut sleepin' with eleven midgets?" Mercedes asked. Lazlo & Patsy nodded. "I think, I'll watch dat with ya'll!" she exclaimed. "That's fine with us, Mercedes." Patsy said.

Penny was at the poolroom, and unfortuantely so was Edward & Stewie. Penny was pratcing her shots, when they came over to her. "Hey!_ Hip hop girl_!" Stewie said. "Hello, Ms. Penny!" Edward greeted. "Oh god! What do they want?" Penny thought to herself. Then she turned to them. "What do ya'll want?" "We're just hangin' up Halloween decorations, _Hip hop girl_." Stewie said as he hung up a decoration. "Y-Yeah!" Edward stuttered as he looked at Penny. She was about to make a shot, and was leaning on the top. She noticed this. "What are you starin' at?!" Penny asked, pissed at the situation. "W-W-Well, I was..." Edward stuttered. Penny sat the cue stick down, and she went towards him. "I'm startin' to think, dat yo' in love wit me." "What? I-I-I'm not in love with you, M-M-Ms. Penny." Edward stuttered as he started sweating. "You don't need to fool me, _G_." Penny laughed as she was an inch away from Edward's face. "I already know, dat yo' in love wit me, Eddie. There's no need to hide it." she said in a teasing sexy voice. "O-O-Oh shit!" Edward squeaked. Stewie noticed all this. "I say, damn! _Hip hop girl_'s flirting with that platypus! Lucky bastard!" Then Penny noticed him. "And, I've noticed dat yo' doin' tha same shit, kid!" she said in the same sexy teasing voice. "Oh snap!" Stewie exclaimed. Then Penny picked up the Halloween streamers, and she tied Stewie & Edward with them. "Ha! Ha! Ha! I just love fuckin' around wit you n_(bleep)_as!" Penny laughed. "I'm off!" She leaves. "Damn! I didn't expect her to do this!" Edward grunted. "**This is very arousing!**" Stewie exclaimed. Edward looks at him. "Kid, you got problems." he sniffed. "Yes, I know." Stewie muttered. "I hope she doesn't do this at the Halloween party. In front of everybody." Edward groaned as he tried to get himself loose. Penny suddenly appears. "Did you say; _'party'_?" "Y-Yeah, Ms. Penny. That's why we're hangin' up these decorations." Edward explained as he still struggled to get himself loose. "Who's idea was it?" Penny asked. "It was the _fat man_'s idea, _hip hop girl_!" Stewie said as he too was struggling to get loose. "Is there's gonna be food & all dat shit there?" Penny asked. "Yes!" Edward & Stewie said unision. "Aight, I'm in!" Penny said. "Okay. Lookin' forward to seein' you there!" Edward exclaimed as he smiled at Penny. Penny leaves again. Stewie looks down to see, that he & Edward was still tied up. "Oh bloody hell. I'd should of told her, to untie us!" "Yeah. I have to go pee." Edward said.

Lazlo, Mercedes, & Patsy was watching tv. Of course, they were watching, _'Jerry Springer'_. They was eating snacks while watching too. Out of the three of them, Mercedes was eating the most. "_Oh fuck!_ You're scarfin' those snacks down, Mercedes!" Lazlo said. "I know dat, _G_!" Mercedes burped. "You're eatin' a lot more than _tubbyguts_ did, on the _fourth of July_." Patsy said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
It was the _fourth of July_. Everybody was grilling & the sort. Peter just got done cooking his food.

Peter: _Ahh!_ I can't wait to eat _all_ of this!!

He sets his platter down, right next to Mercedes, Penny, & Patsy. He ties a napkin around his fat neck. The three females noticed this.

Patsy: I don't like the looks of this!  
Mercedes: I wonder, what _fat boy_'s gonna do?  
Penny: He's probably gonna do somethin' stupid! Like always.  
Patsy: Do you wanna make a bet?  
Penny: A bet for what?  
Patsy: A bet to see, if he's eats **EVERY**thing!  
Mercedes: I'm in!  
Penny: Me too!

They all shake hands. Then Patsy turned to Peter.

Patsy: Uh, _'Fat bastard'_?  
Peter:(not noticing or caring what Patsy called him) Yes, Ms. Smiles?  
Patsy: My cousins & I just got done having a discussion, and we betted, that you can't eat all that food!  
Peter: Get ready to be proved wrong!!

He picks up his giant platter, and swallowed all of the food. Then he eats the three females' plates. Then he turned to see everybody else's grills, and he eats all that too. Soon, he was fatter than usual. He let out a giant burp.

Peter:(loud burp, and turns to Mercedes, Penny, & Patsy) I guess, you three owe me some money!  
Mercedes: **_Dammit!_**  
Penny: Great idea, _Patsy_!  
Patsy: This was a dumb...

Then she noticed something hanging from Peter's mouth.

Patsy: You got something hangin' from your mouth.  
Peter: Where?  
Patsy:(points to her own mouth to help Peter understand where the object was) Right here.  
Peter:(puts his hand on his nose) Here?  
Patsy:(points to her mouth) No, here.  
Peter:(puts his hand on his crotch) Here?  
Patsy: Yuck! Hell no!

Then Quagmire threw a lit match on the object that was hanging from Peter's mouth, and it lit it up. It was a fuse. The dumb overweight man also ate the fireworks. Anyway, the fuse was lit, still Peter didn't pull it out of his mouth.

Peter: Don't just sit there! Gimme your money, Ms. Smiles, Ms. Penny, & Ms. Mercedes!

But before they can hand him the money, the fireworks & rockets in Peter started going off. All of the fireworks & rockets had Peter way up in the air. Soon thereafter, there was an explosion. Everyone, well the dumb ones anyway, ooohed & ahhed, while the audience laughed. Patsy smiled an evil grin.

Patsy:(evil grin) Hee! Hee! Stupid fat bastard!  
Mercedes: How'd you know, dat he'll eat **EVERY**thing?  
Penny: Just look at him, _Benz_. He's an disposal!  
Patsy: Shut up, & gimme _my_ money!!

Mercedes & Penny cussed under their breaths, as they gave Patsy the money, and the audience laughed.

Patsy:(snatches the cash from Mercedes & Penny) _Ha!_ **Don't never fuck with me!! Or you'll find yourselves with empty pockets!  
**audience:_(laughs)_  
**_(End flashback)_**

Just then Penny comes into the scene. "Hey, do ya'll know, what's happenin' around here?" she asked. "Uh, no." Patsy said. "Is it another _'Parent's day'_?" Lazlo asked. Everybody looked at him. "You've got to be kiddin'!" Mercedes sniffed. "What?" Lazlo asked. "Never mind!" Mercedes groaned, then she recovered. "Is it my turn to talk?" Penny nodded. "Aight then. Is it tha day, where we whoop tha background nobodys' asses?" "No. Tha _incredible blob_'s throwin' a halloween party. There's gonna food, music, & all dat shit!" Penny explained. "Is there gonna be candy?" Lazlo asked. Everybody looked at him, again. "What?!" Lazlo asked again. "Probably." Penny said. "When is it?" Patsy & Mercedes asked in unision. "I think, sometime this week." Penny said. "That's good!" Patsy said as she laid on her bed. Just then Raj & Clam comes into the scene now. "Lazlo. What are you doin'?" the Indian elephant asked. "Why is it any business of yours?" Lazlo asked pissed from the situation. "I don't know." Raj admitted. "Cheeky bastard!" Clam said. "I knew you say somethin' stupid!" Everybody looked at Clam. "What? Do I have somethin' in my nose?" Clam asked. "No. It's just, that you talk that much." Patsy said. "Yeah, _C_. What's gotten into you?" Penny asked. "I've been drinkin' this stuff!" Clam said as he took out a blue bottle. It had _'haterade'_ on it. "You've been drinkin' dat _'haterade'_, again. Haven't ya, _C_?" Mercedes asked. "Yep!" Clam said. Raj took the bottle from him. "No more of that shit for you, mister!" he said in his very annoying accent. "**Damn you!**" Clam sniffed. "That's it! I'm gonna go play baseball!!" "Whatever." Raj sniffed as he sat on his bed. Mercedes turned to Patsy. "Hey _P_! How 'bout we go outside & play dogeball?" "Yeah, let's! It's gettin' boring in here!" Patsy said. "Dodgeball sounds like a good idea!" Lazlo exclaimed. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing!" Penny added. So they all leave, leaving Raj by himself. "Finally! Now I can have time to myself!" he exclaimed as he took out a adult magazine.


	2. Party prep

_Now it's time for 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_.

Edward:(grunting) Hello everyone. I'm Edward.  
Stewie:(grunting also) And I'm Stewie!  
Edward: As you might know. In the last chapter, Ms. Penny tied us up with streamers, and we can't move a muscle! Other things happened in the last chapter, besides that! Stewie?

Stewie: Thanks Edward. First of all, someone got hit in the testicles with a dodgeball. _Fancy car girl_ capture a huge fish! Brian claims that he goes to yoga class. A brand new news correspondent reported the robbery. The radio reported the reward for the capture of the bank robber. _Hip hop girl_ flirted with us, then tied us up. The _fat man_ ate fireworks & blew up. _Rhino boy_ drunk some shit, and the awful cartoon; _'Flapjack'_ got cancelled. Edward?

Edward: You forgot some stuff, kid. The robber and his gang are plannin' to leave the area, as soon as the police presence are down, and I think that _'Flapjack'_ shit's not cancelled. Hopefully, someone will come and cut us out of these streamers just in time for the party! And for us to capture that dangerous bank robber, and not that fuckin' Lazlo & Patsy!! Well, I'm Edward.

Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: Hopefully, next time, we'll be out of this predictament!

Party prep

It was the very next morning. Everyone was doing activities. Most of the campers were in the weight room, while some of them was playing baseball, football & basketball, and some of them are doing all three at once. Lazlo was up. He was reading the newspaper. The newspaper headlines says, _'Murderous bank robber still on the loose!'_ _'Public afraid to go to the town.'_ _'President Bush predicts perfect year for America.'_ "Hmmph!" Lazlo sniffed. "Dumb ole law enforcement!" Patsy, who just happened to be laying in her bed across from him, heard him. "What's wrong, dear?" she asked him. "The dumb police, still haven't caught the dangerous bank robber, Patsy." Lazlo sniffed. "I can't believe this shit!" "Well, you do know, it all happened yesterday, honey. And it takes, at least a couple of days, before the cops captures a person." explained Patsy. "Yeah, I guess you're right, Patsy." Lazlo said. "I know, I am, dear!" Patsy chimed. "Besides, everyone at camp's safe. Especially, with a policeman patroling the campgrounds!" "Oh yeah! I forgot that Mr. Swanson was a police officer." Lazlo laughed weakly. Just then, Mercedes came in. "Yo! What ya'll doin'?" she asked. "We was just havin' a conversation, Mercedes. That's all." Patsy said. "Anyway, I'm tired." Mercedes said as she layed on her bed. "What'd you been doin' Mercedes?" Lazlo asked her. "Oh, I was playin' basketball, dodgeball, baseball, football, kickball, & lifted weights! All at once!" Mercedes yawned. "My muscles are hurtin'! Hell, make dat all my everything is hurtin'!" "I'm not surprised. You've basically done almost all of the activities at camp!" Patsy laughed. "Yep! I am one tired son of a..." Mercedes started to say, before being interrupted by Penny. "Hey _P_. I see yo' alone wit yo' man." she teased. "We weren't doin' what you're thinkin', Penny. Lazlo & I was havin' a conversation." Patsy explained. "Yeah? What was ya'll talkin' about?" Penny asked. "We was talkin' about how the cops still didn't arrest the armed bank robber." Lazlo said as he gave Penny the newspaper. She read the headline. "I'm not surprised. Tha cops are always hangin' either at tha doughnut shop or the _7-11_!" Penny sniffed. "Don't forget, they be at both, _'Nette_!" Mercedes reminded. "Yeah. Dat too!" Penny said. She read more of the paper. "Ha! It also says, _'Bush predicts perfect year for America!'_ Yeah right!" Penny laughed. Everyone laughed. Then Penny turned to Mercedes. "Damn _Benz_. You look rough!" "Yeah. It's those damn activities, I was doin', _'Nette_." Mercedes yawned. "They wore me out!" "This reminds me, tha time, when you ran dat marathon!" Penny laughed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Mercedes was running in the marathon. She was along with some of the other runners. Penny was also, one of the other runners, too. They were going at a good pace & sweating to boost.

Mercedes: _Oh damn!_ There's nothin' like runnin' to get tha blood runnin'. Ain't dat right, _'Nette_?  
Penny:(grabs a paper cup of water) Right, _Benz_. You see, dat's what I always tell my lil bloods; Hillary & Jamal, but they don't listen to a damn word, you sayin!  
Mercedes: Yeah.  
Penny: I wonder, how's tha other runners are doin?  
Mercedes: I don't know, let's see.

They turned back, still running, to see that some of the runners, where passing out. Some of them was giving up, and drinking the free water & some of them started turning back. Penny & Mercedes laughed.

Penny: I see, dat tha competition are startin' to thin out!  
Mercedes: Those cheeky fat bastards! I wonder, how much longer is this?  
Another runner: Another 40 or so miles!  
Penny: 40 or so miles? _Ha!_ **_We_** can do dat!! Can we, _Benz_?  
Mercedes:(concerned) Yeah, I guess so.

But inside, Mercedes weren't so sure, that she can. Sometime later, almost all of the marathon runners, had gave up. The first several runners, were almost at the finish line. Penny was still chiper, but Mercedes was crawling on the ground now.

Penny: Almost there, _Benz_! Just a few more feet, then this marathon will be done!  
Mercedes: I-I-I'm. T-t-too. T-t-tired!  
Penny:(didn't hear Mercedes) Say _Benz_. After we get done wit this, how 'bout we run to tha burger joint, get some burgers, jog all tha way back to yo' crib, jog up tha stairs, and into yo' apartment?

Mercedes:...  
Penny: _Benz_? Dammit girl! Did you hear, what I'd...

She turns to see, that Mercedes passed out on the ground.

Penny: _Oh shit!_ _Benz_!!

She runs towards the tired mongoose.

Penny:(lifts Mercedes' sweaty head) Speak to me, _Benz_! Are you alright?  
Mercedes:(weakly) Y-Y-Yeah, _'Nette_. I'm okay. J-J-Just tired, dehydrated, & weak.  
Penny: Why didn't you tell me, dat you didn't want to jog for 40 miles?  
Mercedes: B-B-Because, I-I-I want to do it for you!  
Penny: I'd would've stopped, if you'd told me. Can you stand up?  
Mercedes: I'd like to, _'Nette_, but I think my legs & feet are broken!  
Penny:(laughs) No, they ain't. They just weak from all dat runnin', _Benz_. How 'bout I carry you home?  
Mercedes: Are we still gonna stop by dat burger joint?  
Penny: Only, if you want to?  
Mercedes: Yeah.  
Penny: Aight.

Then Penny picks up Mercedes, and put her over her shoulder.

Penny: C'mon _Benz_. Let's get those burgers & then we hit tha crib.  
Mercedes: Dat's sounds like a wise idea, _'Nette_. Dat's sounds like a wise idea.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"I sure was tired after dat! My feet & legs were weak & tired for weeks!" Mercedes laughed weakly. "I bet, you're not gonna do somethin' like that no more." Patsy laughed. "I ain't! Let some other n_(bleep)_a do all tha runnin'!" Mercedes sniffed. "So, do you want us, to let you take a nap, Mercedes?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah. Ya'll leave. Dat'll be a wise thing!" Mercedes yawned. "So, what do you want to do now?" Patsy asked. "Let's discuss this outside, _P_." Penny said. So they leave, Mercedes to take her nap.

Outside, Patsy asked her question again. "So, what do you want to do now?" "How 'bout we lift some cinderblocks?" Penny asked. Patsy & Lazlo looked at her. "What? I'd just suggested, liftin' cinderblocks. Dat's all." Penny muttered. Just then Gretchen & Quagmire came up to them. "What tha hell are ya'll doin'?" she asked rudely. "We were bored, Gretchen. That's all." Patsy said. "Why is it any business of yours?" "Because, Quagmire & I are havin' a burpin' battle, and everybody's too damn whimpy to take us." Gretchen explained. "I see, where this is goin'." Penny started. "You want to do a burpin' battle wit us? Ain't dat right?" "Yeah! That's right, Penny!" Quagmire said. "So, are ya'll up for it?" Gretchen asked. "Yeah. I'm in!" Lazlo exclaimed. "Me too!" Patsy added. "Wait! Wait! Is there a catch?" Penny asked supsiciously. "What catch, Penny, old friend?" Gretchen said sweetly. "I know, there's a catch! There's always a fuckin' catch wit this bitch!" Penny yelled. "I'm not gonna trick you dis time, Penny. I promise!" Gretchen promised. "Mmm. Aight, I'm in!" Penny said. "Dat's good! Very good!" Gretchen oiled. "Where's this contest's gonna be helded at?" Lazlo asked. "In Homer's quarters." Quagmire said. "What? Since when, did he have a quarters?" Patsy asked. "Since, dis fic started, Patsy. Now stop stallin', and let's go!" Gretchen sniffed.

Soon, they was at Homer's quarters. Homer was there. He was setting out some sodas on the table, when the contestants came in. "What the hell's he doin' here?" Patsy asked Gretchen. "Oh, didn't I tell you. He's our third member of our team." Gretchen laughed. "See? What did I tell you, _P_! There's always a catch, wit this bitch!" Penny sniffed. "Ha! We got you good!" Quagmire laughed as he sat down. "**Shut tha fuck up! You cheeky dick-nosed bastard!**" Penny sniffed. "Ooooh!" Homer exclaimed. Gretchen shot him an evil look. "Okay. Whoever burps the loudiest, get this!" Then he pulls out a suitcase. "This suitcase full of money!" He opened the suitcase, to show everyone the cold hard cash. "Also, you get these!!" Homer said as he pulled out a small box. "What's tha hell's dat?" Penny asked. "This Penny, is a box full of delicious, tasty, & delightful jelly-filled donuts!" Homer explained. "They have strawberry filling, cherry filling, orange filling, lime filling, lemon filling, lemon & lime filling, blackberry filling, blueberry filling, raspberry filling, apple filling, peach filling, watermelon filling, caramel filling, & chocolate filling. And they all have glaze & sprinkles over them!" Then he went to one of his food day-dreaming trances. "_Mmm!_ Jelly-filled donuts with; strawberry, cherry, orange, lime, lemon, lemon-line, blackberry, blueberry, raspberry, apple, peach, watermelon, caramel, & chocolate fillings. With glaze & sprinkles! _Gggggllllaaarrrrrgggg_!" he drooled. Everyone looked at him. Homer snapped out of it. "_Oh!_ Were was I?" he asked. "You was about to start the contest." Lazlo said. "Oh yeah. Thanks! Okay everyone. Start drinkin'!" Homer announced as he opened a soda. So, everyone started drinking their sodas. Quagmire was the first one to burp. "_BURP!_ There nothin' to it!" Quagmire said as he did his headbop. Lazlo burped next. His burp was a bit louder than Quagmire's. "_BBUURRP!_ That felt good!" "_Ha!_ **MY TURN!!**" Gretchen exclaimed as she drunk some of her soda. "**BLLAAATTT!** **_HA!_** Try and beat dat, mongoose!" Gretchen bragged to Patsy. "Okay. I will!" Patsy sniifed as she drunk her soda."_**BBBBUURRRPPP!**_" "Oooh! My turn!" Homer said as he drunk the soda. "**_BUUUUURRP!_**" "Looks like, it's my turn!" Penny said as she drunk the soda. "**_BBBBUUUURRRRPPP!_**" Then Penny turned to Quagmire. "Try and beat dat! Mista Giggity goo!" So, everyone drunk all of their sodas. Then they tried to drink all of the sodas in Homer's quarters.

While, the burping contest was happening. _Big Man_ and his gang was counting out their stolen money from yesterday's bank robbery. Big Man turned to one of them. "Oy! Is those po-pos still around?" he asked. "Yeah! They still roamin' about!!" said one of the gang members. "Damn! We never gonna leave dis joint!!" _Big Man_ sniffed. "Maybe if you shut up & quit whinin', tha time will go faster. And tha cops'll be gone!" said one dumb gang member. "What did you say?" _Big Man_ asked. "Huh?" the dumb member asked. "I said, What did _you_ say?" _Big Man_ repeated crossily. "I said," the moron said, before _Big Man_ hit him with a club. "**NOW LISTEN, FUCKA!! I'M THA FUCKIN' LEADER HERE!! AND I DON'T NEED NO _FUNKBOY_, TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO!!**" All of the others & the audience laughed at the unconcious idiot. _Big Man_ calmed down. "Aight! Now back to countin' ma money!" Then he sat back down, and counted the rest of his money.

Back at Homer's quarters. The burping contest was winding down. As expected, Quagmire was the first one to lose. Then Lazlo. Then Gretchen & Patsy. The only ones lefted was, Homer & Penny. And add to that, there was no more sodas left. Homer just got done, downing his last soda. "**_BBBBBUUUUURRRRPPPPP!_** Ah, now that's refreshin'!" Homer bragged. Then he turned to Penny. "I would like to see _you_ beat that!!" "Aight, I will!!" Penny said as she opened her soda. She gulped down her beverage. Within a few minutes, she let out a huge, long Barney Gumble type burp. She did it in Homer's face. "Damn, girl!!" Homer sniffed. "You won! You won! Damn! I think, I'm gonna be deaf for a week!" "Ha! Ha! Gimme _my_ cash!" Penny gloated. So Homer gave her the suitcase of cash. "Now, dat's like it!" Penny said. She was about to leave, when Patsy stopped her. "Wait Penny. What about your donuts?" "Oh yeah. I forgot 'bout those. Thanks, _P_." Penny said as she went back to get her sweets. But, when Penny came back to get the donuts, Homer had already ate them. "_Ah!_ Those was some delicious donuts!" Homer burped. "Too bad, that Penny mongoose girl missed it! Ha! Ha!" "**You cheeky yellow bastard! You ate my donuts!!**" Penny shouted. "**I'm gonna kick yo' ass!**" "Oh! P-Penny! I-I-I didn't eat them! Uh, that baby, Stewie did!" Homer lied. "Ha! Do I look stupid to you? Stewie's still tied up wit dat Edward punk, in tha pool room, dumb ass!" Penny sniffed. Homer started to breakdown. "**Okay! I ate them!! I couldn't help it!! The donuts looked _so_ good!**" Penny rolled her eyes. Then she recovered. "Aight! Shut up! Now, I know you. You got a supply of donuts, hidden around here somewhere. Now give'em to me!" "Okay! Okay! They're in the drawer over there." Homer said as he pointed to his drawer. Penny went over to the drawer. She opened it. Inside it, was boxes full of donuts, bags of candy, & some lefted over _Dorito_'s bags. Penny took a box of donuts. "Thanks again, for tha donuts, _Homeboy_!" she said as she, Lazlo & Patsy lefted. "_Homeboy_? No one, haven't called me _'Homeboy'_ since the 90's." Homer said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Homer was at the _7-11_. He was getting himself some nachos.

Homer: _Mmmm!_ Chili & cheese nachos!! **Mmmmm!**

He grabs a couple more things. Then he goes to the checkout.

Cashier: Is that all, sir?  
Homer: Yep!  
Cashier: I'll just total all that for you.

Then he total up all of Homer's items.

Cashier: That'll be 25 bucks!  
Homer: Sounds affordable.

He pays.

Cashier: Thanks. See ya, Homeboy!  
Homer: What did you say?  
Cashier: I said, see ya Homeboy!  
Homer: Oh!

He walks away.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

At Peter's office. Peter was reading one of his adult magazines. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Breasts. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed stupidly. "_'The Critic'_. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Just then, Brian walks in. "Uh, Peter. Have you seen Stewie?" he asked. Peter looked up from his magazine. "What? I didn't hear you." he asked. "I said, have you seen Stewie." Brian repeated. "No. Why? Do you need him?" Peter asked. "Yeah. We need him, to make preps for the party, and nobody haven't seen him since yesterday." Brian explained. "What party? **Why wasn't _I_ informed about this?!**" Peter demanded. "Uh, actually, Peter. It was your idea, to have this party." Brian said. "What that was my idea?" Peter asked. Brian nodded. "Oh! Well, get some of the campers, to help you, prep for the party." Peter suggested. "That'll be a wise thing." "Okay." Brian said as he rolled his eyes & left. "Alright. With that done, and all. Time to get back to my magazine!" Peter exclaimed as he got back to his magazine. Meanwhile, Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was sitting by Brian's quarters. Penny was enjoying her tasty sweets, and so was Lazlo & Patsy. "_Oh damn!_ _Homeboy's_ right! These donuts are; delicious, tasty, & **delightful!**" Penny exclaimed as she took a bite from a donut she was holding. "That's for sure!" Patsy said as she licked some of her donut's filling from her fingers. "No wonder, Homer's always eatin' them!" Lazlo laughed as he took a bite from his donut. The donut's filling slashed onto Patsy's face & shirt. "Oops. S-Sorry Patsy." Lazlo said nervously. "That's alright, honey." Patsy said. "You can always lick it off me." "What?" Lazlo asked. "You heard me. You can always lick it off me." Patsy repeated, as she smiled warmly at Lazlo. "_Oh damn!_ I-I-I can't do that, not in front of Penny, Patsy." Lazlo stuttered as he started sweating. "Go ahead and lick tha fillin' off her face. I already know, dat ya'll love each other." Penny said. "Okay." Lazlo said. Then he got closer to Patsy, and started licking the blackberry donut filling off of her. Patsy was certainly enjoying this & so was Lazlo. Soon, all of the donut filling was licked off. Lazlo sat up. "Damn! You sure taste good, Patsy!" he exclaimed. "I could tell, by the way, you almost took a bite outta me." Patsy giggled a bit. Just then Brian came up to them. "Can you guys come and help me, please?" Then he left. "I wonder, what he wants?" Lazlo asked. "Let's go & see." Patsy said.

Soon, they was at the lodge. "So, what do you want, _B_?" Penny asked. "I was wonderin', if you guys can help me, Lois, & Meg with the preparations for the party?" Brian asked as he gave Lois a decoration. "It's not like, we got anything important to do." Lazlo said. "Yeah." Patsy added. "Dat's fine wit me." Penny said as she grabbed some decorations. Meg noticed the stain on Patsy's shirt. "Uh, what happened to your shirt?" she asked Patsy. "Oh. Lazlo accidently splashed some jelly donut filling on me." Patsy explained. "Oh. Stuff like that, always happens to me." Meg muttered.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Meg was eating a slice of pizza. When Peter came in.

Peter: Hey Meg. How you doin'?  
Meg: What do _you_ want, dad?  
Peter: What you mean? I was just bein' friendly.  
Meg:(thinking to herself) _He's up to somethin'! I better keep my guard up!_  
Peter: Did you do your homework?  
Meg: Yes dad.  
Peter: Alrighty then.

Peter leaves. Well, he doesn't actually leave. He just took several steps behind Meg. He had an devious smile on his face. He looks at the pizza. Then at Meg. Then at the pizza again. He repeated these actions for at least two minutes. Then he stopped.

Peter: I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna throw the pizza on her. Then make fun of her! Call her a man! Push her! Punch her! Call her ugly! Shoot her point blank! Then sell her, for cash! _Ha! Ha! Ha!_ _I'm_ so smart!!

He picks up the pizza box, and throws it into Meg's face. The pizza was steaming hot! Meg let out a blood curdling scream as Peter laughed at her pain.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Listen to that ugly, man-lookin', fat piggie squeal! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

Meg stops screaming, and wipes the pizza off her face. Her face was all burned. Peter laughed at her.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Your face is burned! It dosen't matter, since nobody finds you attractive! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

Meg starts to growl angrily. Her face is turning redder & redder.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You look like a tomato! A big, fat, _ugly_ tomato! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

Meg grabs a huge club, from out of nowhere.

Meg:(dangerously mad) **NOW, I'M GONNA RETURN THE FAVOR!!**

She lifts up the club, and beat Peter's head repeatedly.

Meg: **TAKE THAT, FOR CALLIN' ME UGLY, FAT, & USELESS!!**

She hits him.

Meg: **AND THIS IS FOR THROWIN' MY DINNER IN MY FACE!!**

She gives Peter a last blow to the head.

Meg: _Whoo!_ I feel better now!

She leaves the room. Lois comes in now.

Lois: **OH MY GOD! PETER!  
**Peter: I don't want to go to _penis_, mommy!  
Lois: What an ass!  
audience:_(laughs)  
**(End flashback)**_

"So, that was _you_, that did that to your father?" Lois asked. "Yeah, I did it!" Meg sniffed angrily. "So, what you gonna do 'bout it?" "I'm gonna tell your father. That what's gonna happen, smart ass!" Lois sniffed. "**Do that, and I'll break your fuckin', ugly-assed nose! Then I'll beat you to a pulp!!**" Meg shouted. Then Almondine & Nina appeared. They was carrying several clubs, guns, & other weapons. "Do you want us to help you, beat up Lois?" Nina asked Meg. "No. I was just makin' a threat to her." Meg said. "What? How dare _you_ make a threat at _your_ mother, young lady!" Lois said. "**SHUT UP!!**" Meg hollered in Lois' face. "**I'M GONNA BEAT YOU SENSELESS, BEFORE THIS FIC'S OVER!! THAT'S NO THREAT!! THAT'S A FUCKIN' PROMISE!!**" Meg hollered again, as she poked Lois' nose. "You heard that, Almondine? We might beat her ass, before this fic's over!" Nina exclaimed happily. "I can't wait, to use _these_ clubs!!" Almondine said. "_I've_ been ready, to knock someone's head off!!" Meg turned to them. "That is all, Almondine & Nina. You're dismissed." They leave. Meg turns sharply to Lois, and pointed to her angrily. "You better watch your back! You better watch...**YOUR...FUCKIN'...BACK!!**" Meg leaves. Everyone was silent, then Patsy spoke. "Damn! I've never knew that, Meg & Almondine had so much anger in them." "I'm not surprised. Just look at them. Almondine's always being' ignored & placed into the background. Meg's always bein' everyone's scapegoat, bein' ignored & bein' made fun off." Lazlo explained as he hung up a decoration. "I'm not surprised, the way they act, now." "Yeah. At least, _A_'s don't got a fuckin' grudge against you anymore, _P_." Penny said as she hunged a decoration. "It's a good thing, that she did!" Patsy said. "That shit was gettin' old." Soon, all of the decorations were hunged up. "There. Done." Lazlo said as he dusted his hands off. "Now, we can do other shit." Penny said. Patsy looked at her shirt. "I guess, I need a new shirt, now." "Yeah, _P_. You kinda look like Sarah Jessica Parker did when dat shitty _'Sex & the city'_ movie came out." Penny said. Then she looked off-screen. "Do we got a clip? No clip? Damn!" Penny sniffed. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "Come Lazlo, dear. You can watch me change shirts. That'll be a wise thing." "Did you say, what I thought you said?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Now, let's go!"

Back at the cabin, Patsy was about to change her shirt. "I'm gonna change my shirt now, dear." she said as she started taking off her black vest. "Uh, Patsy. You're not really gonna change shirts in front of me, are ya?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, of course! I know, deep inside you. I mean, very deep, that you want me to take off my shirt!" Patsy said in a sexy voice. "T-T-That's true, P-Patsy!" Lazlo stuttered. "G-Go ahead." "Okay, dear." Patsy said as she started taking off her shirt. "_Oh snap!!_" Lazlo exclaimed as he looked Patsy's sexy chest, with bra on of course. Patsy giggled seductively. "Y-You know, that's how some intercourse starts, P-Patsy." Lazlo stuttered nervously. "Yeah. I know." Patsy said sweetly as she sat onto Lazlo's lap. "Uh, Patsy. You're not lookin' for a new shirt." Lazlo said nervously. "I know that, dear." Patsy whispered as she touch Lazlo's cheek. "Do you like what you see?" "_Yeah! You got a nice, sexy waist, sexy 6 packed abs, & big, sexy breasts!_" Lazlo exclaimed as he looked, well stared at Patsy's well-toned muscled, but feminine upper body. "Thank you, honey. I only workout for you." Patsy said warmly. "Now hug me!" "_Okay!_" Lazlo exclaimed as he hugged Patsy. "Okay. Now kiss me." Patsy ordered. Lazlo obeyed. "Now, keep kissin' me, until _I_ tell you to stop." Patsy ordered in a sexy voice. "As you wish, Patsy, my pet." Lazlo said. He kisses her. This action kept going, until Mercedes woke up. "Oh god! Dat was some nap!" she yawned & stretched. Then she turned to see Lazlo kissing Patsy & Patsy with her shirt off. Mercedes smiled. "I see, dat ya'll at it!" Patsy got off of Lazlo's lap. "We weren't doin' what you're thinkin', Mercedes." Patsy stuttered as she smiled nervously. "Uh huh." the red & black colored haired mongoose said. Then she turned to Lazlo. "You weren't 'bout to have sex witout any _'jimmy hats'_ are ya?" "What are _'jimmy hats'_?" Lazlo asked. "It means condom or rubber." Mercedes laughed. "Oh. Well, we wasn't havin' sex." Lazlo said. "Yeah. I was in here, gettin' myself a new shirt." Patsy said as she showed Mercedes her stained shirt. Mercedes looked at the shirt. "What's this shit on here?" "Lazlo accidently bit into a donut, and the jelly filling splashed onto me." Patsy explained. "Oh. You gotta be careful with those bastards." Mercedes started. "Them fuckas will always splash ya." Then she sniffed the shirt. "Smells like blackberry!" "So, what do you want to do now?" Patsy asked Lazlo & Mercedes as she put on her new shirt. "How 'bout, we watch _'Dr. Phil'_?" Mercedes suggested. "Yeah. I've read, that today, it's suppose to be about people usin' the _N_ word." Lazlo said.

_**(Cutaway)**_  
Clip missing. Cutaway too controversial to type.  
**_(End explanation)_**

It was sometime later in the afternoon now. Everyone was doing whatever. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was at the shooting ranges. They was shooting rounds. "_Ah!_ There's nothin'; like the smell of gunpowder in the, uh, _afternoon_. Yeah." Patsy said as she cocked her gun. "Yeah. You can say dat again, _P_!" Penny said as she cocked her gun. "For the sake of the readers, let's leave it right there." Patsy said as she shot off some rounds. "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing." Lazlo said as he shot off some rounds. Patsy looked towards what Lazlo was shooting at. "Damn, your aim was perfect, dear." she said as she went to get the object Lazlo was shooting at. It was a picture. "What's this suppose to be?" Patsy asked. "It's a drawing of some idiot." Lazlo said as he put his gun away. Patsy gave Lazlo the picture. Penny looked at it. "Hey, ain't dat, dat _'Flapjack'_ bitch?" she asked. "Yes, it is." Lazlo laughed. "I _hate_ him!!" "I hate him, too!" Patsy laughed. Just then, Mercedes appeared. "Hey! Did ya'll hear dat there was another robbery again? And tha ante up's to 365.8 million bucks now." "_Goddamn!_" Patsy exclaimed. "I wish, I can get that reward." "You can, _P_. Just go to tha bank, dressed as a bank teller. And when tha bastard comes up to you, demadin' money, and you pull out yo' gun, and blast tha fucka!" Penny laughed. "There! You get tha cash!" "Ha! Like he's gonna just stand there, & let me shoot at him!" Patsy laughed. "You must be outta your cotton pickin' mind, Penny." Just then, Meg came to them. "Big nose forgot to tell you, that you need to buy some refreshments for the party." "What? Why us?" Mercedes asked. "Because, _fat ass_ fucked up the car." Meg sniffed.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
The car was all stripped of it's parts, and was sitting on blocks. Oil was sipping out of it. Joker & Mario walks up to it.

Mario: _Ooooh!_ Look-a at-a that! _Fatty_'s car's been-a stripped!  
Joker: I bet, he did it, _ese_. You know, how dat bastard is.  
Mario: Yeah. Cheeky Rhode Island c_(bleep)_t!

Then Joker took out a can of spray paint.

Joker: Do you wanna deface property?  
Mario: _Oooh!_ Yes! Let's-a do it, on _greasey_'s house.  
Joker: Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing!

They go & deface Peter's house.  
**_(End Cutaway)_**

"Who's gonna go?" Lazlo asked. "I'll go." Mercedes said as she took out her keys. "That's perfect." Meg said. "Here's the list." She hands Mercedes a piece of paper. "Let me see. _Food, drinks, swords, guns, & more food_. I bet, _tubby gut_ wrote dat last part, didn't he?" Mercedes asked Meg. "Does Eddy loves cash?" Meg asked. Suddenly, Eddy appears. "Mmmhmm! I do. I do. I do. I do. I...Do...ooooo!" he said. Everyone looked at him. "What?" he asked. "You couldn't stay in tha background, could ya?" Penny asked. Eddy hung his head down. "I couldn't help it! **I failed!!**" "Looks like, we have to include him & his four friends on here, now!" Meg sniffed as she rolled her eyes. "Stupid assed cheeky _midget_!!" Mercedes sniffed as she left. "Always, ruinin' shit!" "I-I'm sorry, Mercedes!" Eddy called out to her. "I'll make it up to ya!! I'll give you a erotic massage!!" "Ah, fuck off!!" Mercedes called back. Eddy turned to the others. "Uh, this. All this here, never happened." "I'm with that." Lazlo said. "Me too." Patsy added. "I was, just passin' by." Meg muttered. "I don't know." Penny said. "If I see yo' girl, I might _'accidently'_ tell her. What's in it for me?" "Uh, I'll give you a erotic massage!?" Eddy exclaimed. "Dat sounds kinda good, right 'bout now." Penny stretched. "But, I want you to do some of this stuff, durin' my massage." "What? What!? I'll do anything! **ANYTHING!!**" Eddy shouted.

**_(Cutaway to the Eds' cabin)_**  
Penny was laying on Eddy's bed, naked. She was drinking _'Squirt'_ from a champaigne glass. Eddy was giving her a massage.

Penny:(snaps) Hey boy!  
Eddy:(in a fake british accent) Yes, Ms. Smiles! The winner of millions of basketball awards & trophies?  
Penny: Come over here, & entertain me!  
Eddy: Comin', Ms. Smiles!

He stands in front of her. He was completely naked. Penny looks at his waist.

Penny: _Ha!_ Just look at dat tiny dick! It's just a little prick! _Ha! Ha! Ha!_

She takes a sip of her soda, as Eddy turned red from embarassment.

Penny: How can I make you sweat?

Eddy: Can I suggest, that you talk about yourself, madam?  
Penny: What a wise idea, boy.

She takes another sip of soda.

Penny:(in a extremely sexy voice) Just look at me. I'm so sexy. Especially, when I'm naked!  
Eddy:(starting to sweat) _Oh god!_ Y-Y-You look sexy enough, to be a model, Ms. Smiles.  
Penny: I am a model! Just look at my round ass!

She sits up at Eddy. Eddy faints. Penny & the audience laughs.

Penny: Ha! Ha! Ha! Tha n_(bleep)_a fainted, because of my sexiness!

She takes out a small piece of paper from her uniform pocket. There was four names on it. The names were; Edward, Eddy, Quagmire, & Stewie. Edward's & Stewie's names was already crossed out. Penny crosses out Eddy's name.

Penny: There! Three down & one to go! Time to get outta here!

She get dressed and leaves the Eds' cabin, quickly.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

_Big Man_ & his gang, just came back from another robbery. "_Ah!_ There's nuthin' like fresh stolen money from a bunch of punks!" _Big Man_ said as he sat in his chair. "_Damn!_ How are we gonna git outta dis town, if 5-0's on our asses?" asked one of the gang members. "I'll think, of a way." _Big Man_ said. "I'll think of a way." He thought about this, until he got an idea. "I got it! When tha cops take a break, we split." His thugs were silent, until one of them spoke. "What? Dat's it? Dat's _yo'_ plan?! _When tha cops take a break, we split._ **Dat's tha stupidiest idea, ever!!**" "Well, if it's tha stupidiest idea ever; I would like for you to think of a better one, then?" _Big Man_ sniffed. "Aight, _I_ will!!" the thug sniffed. Just then, a police car zoomed past the hideout, with the siren blaring & lights flashing. "_Oh snap!_ You betta think of somethin' soon or those bastards will git us!" said the female gang member to the smart-alreck thug. "Don't worry, I will." the thug said. He quickly thought, and it came to him. "I got it!! You know dat nightclub by tha edge of tha town? Well, we go steal a ride, and zoom tha hell outta town! And if, someone tries to stop us, we'll blow a cap in their ass!!" Everyone was silent. "Well?" the thug asked. "Damn, dat sounds better, than yo' dumb idea, _Big Man_." the female gang member laughed. "Yeah, dat was good!" said another member. _Big Man_ growled. "Fuckin' smart-ass. With yo' school, computers, & hard candy!"

Back at camp, it was sometime later now. Patsy, Lazlo, & Penny was sitting around. They was bored. "I'm bored." Patsy yawned. "Me too." Penny said. "Do ya'll wanna go punch some background bitches?" Patsy asked. "No, I'm too tired to do dat, _P_." Penny yawned. "Well, something better happen soon. The readers are gettin' bored." Lazlo said, breaking the fourth wall. Just then, Mercedes appears. She was carrying a lot of bags. Patsy noticed her. "I see, you're finally back." "Yeah. Dat damn stupid-assed slut, gave me too much shit to buy & to carry!" Mercedes sniffed as she gave Patsy some of the shopping bags. Penny went towards her. "You aight, _Benz_?" "No. I think, holdin' all dat slut's crap, made me pull a muscle in my back!" Mercedes groaned. "Is dat Eddy dude still around?" "Yes, he's still around." Lazlo said. "He gave Penny a massage." "Yep! It was relaxin'!" Penny bragged. "Here. Ya'll take these. I'll go find dat midget!" Mercedes sniffed & went away. "I wonder, if she's gonna find Eddy?" Lazlo asked Penny. "Probably." Penny said. "Now, let's get these to _big-nose_." So, they went to Lois' room. When they got to Lois' room, you know who was getting high. "Surprise. Surprise. Look who's gettin' high?" Penny sniffed. "I-I-I'm not high. I-I-I just got the sniffles." Lois lied as she fell onto the floor. "And just tired." "What a dumb ho'!" Patsy sniffed. "Let's just leave tha shit here wit her stupid ass!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea." Lazlo said as he threw the bags at Lois. "Cheeky slut." Patsy sniffed as she too threw the bags at Lois. "C'mon, let's go." Lazlo sniffed. They leave. "T-T-T-Thank you f-f-f-for gettin' me the supplies, guys." Lois called out. "**Fuck you!**" Penny shouted back. "I already am!" Lois called back. Let's go and check on Mercedes shall we?

Mercedes was at the Ed's cabin. She was getting that erotic massage, Eddy promised her earlier. She was laying on her firmly 6 packed ab stomach. She was holding a champaigne glass filled of _'Cherry Coke'_. Eddy, of course was giving her a deep tissue massage on her back. "Damn, Mercedes. You're so tensed!" Eddy said. "What do you expect? It's my first time, gettin' a massage!" Mercedes sniffed. "Just relax, I'll do all the work." Eddy said as he started looking at Mercedes' uniform. "Just re...lax." Mercedes started getting sleepy. "_Perfect_." Eddy muttered. "_Time to get her wallet_." So, Eddy went towards Mercedes' black uniform skirt, and started taking out her wallet. Mercedes quickly turned to him. "**Put my wallet down!!**" she shouted as she threw a handy book at him. The book knocked Eddy unconcious. "Ha! Serve tha bastard right!" she sniffed. Then she brush her red & black hair out of her face. "I think, it'll be a wise thing, dat we end this chapter."

_Yes Mercedes, that'll be a wise thing indeed, but will all the events in this chapter, will make sense? Will Lazlo, Patsy, Mercedes & Penny get that reward for Big Man's arrest? Will Lois ever stop gettin' high? Why am I askin' you this? Next chapter coming soon._


	3. Finally, party nite arrives part 1

_Again, it's time for 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'._

Edward: Well, we're still hangin' here.  
Stewie: Yep. But I say, that was some chapter, wasn't it, platypus?  
Edward: It sure was, kid. Ms. Penny jogged in a marathon. She got all sweaty. Then she won that burping contest, and got that sexy massage!  
Stewie: I think, a whole lot more stuff happened besides those things, platypus.  
Edward:(excited) I know, kid. But I'd _really_ enjoyed those scenes!!  
Stewie: Okay. There was almost a sex scene between that Lazlo & Patsy, Meg whoops Peter, Meg threatens Lois, donuts were eaten, a midget faints from _hip hop girl_'s massage, _fancy car girl_ gets massage from midget boy, and pwns him at the end.

Edward: I wonder, if someone's gonna capture that _Big Man_, and get the reward in this chapter?  
Stewie: I hope so. I wonder, if someone's gonna untie us?  
Edward: I hope so, kid. 'Cause, I need to pee!

Just then, Ed suddenly appears. Edward & Stewie noticed him.

Edward: Hey asshole! Over here!  
Ed: Who me?  
Stewie: Yeah, you!

Ed goes near them.

Edward: Can you untie us?

Stewie: Yeah. We've been up here, for a couple days now.  
Ed: I'm not sure. What's in it for me?  
Edward: You & your friends get to star in this chapter! Now get us down!  
Ed: Mum's the word!

He quickly unties them.

Stewie: **WE'RE FREE!  
**Edward: Now to get the hell outta here!! But let's finish this first. I wish, I was in that burping contest. I would of should them!  
Stewie: I'm surprised, that the fat man wasn't in it. Especially, since he loves to burp!  
Edward: Yeah, what a drunken cow! Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: Let's get this chapter started!

Finally,...party nite arrives(part 1)

It was the very next morning. It was Halloween Day. Everyone was getting ready for tonight's party. Peter was in his office. He was drinking some grape juice. "_Hmmm? I wonder, if Dustin Diamond could beat Harvey's ass? I wonder, if he can._" Peter wondered. Just then, Brian walks in. He had a concerned look on his face. Peter noticed him. "Hey there, old bean. How's things goin' with the preperations for the party?" he asked. "Well, Peter. We kinda have a problem." Brian muttered. "What kind of problem? **Did somebody abuse you!?**" Peter demanded angrly as he took off his belt and slam it against the table. "No. We're gonna need a bigger place to party at. The lodge's too small." Brian explained. "I think, I'm startin' to what you're gettin' at." Peter said. "Are you sure?" Brian asked. "The last time you said that, you ended up costing _McDonald's_ customers."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Brian & Peter was at _McDonald's_. He was eating a whole lot of burgers, fries, & drinks. Mainly, because he was playing one of _McDonald's_ _Monopoly_ games. Anyway, Peter was eating a cheeseburger.

Peter:(eating the cheeseburger) _Oh damn!_ This is a very tasty burger! But still, I didn't win anything. Might as well eat another.

He opens another burger box. Brian is looking very concerned.

Brian: Uh, Peter. You shouldn't eat so much burgers. You know what happened the last time?  
Peter: Yeah. Yeah. I had that stroke. I'm not stupid, Brian. That's not gonna happen to me this time.

He rips off the _Monopoly_ game ticket off the box. He reads it.

Peter: You have won 7.5 million dollars. Oh my god! I won! **I WON!! I WON!!**

Then he gets up, and grabs a random person, & starts dancing with them.

Man: Put me down! What the hell's wrong with you?  
Peter: **Shut up!!** You're ruinin' this moment!

He keeps dancing with the man. After doing this for five minutes, Peter finally gets tired.

Peter: Whoo! Now to go claim my price!

He goes to the counter. He shows them the winning game ticket.

Cashier: So, what do you want me to do about it?  
Peter: I want the money, _**now!**_  
Cashier: Uh, we only have 500 dollars in cash.  
Brian: Well, we can figure out something.  
Peter: Yes. Yes, we can.

Soon, it shows them sitting on the curve. Peter was holding his clothes. Brian was cross.

Brian: You could've waited, until something was figured out. But no. You got naked, and made everyone leave!  
Peter: Well, that was something. So, the problem's solved.  
Brian: What'd you mean? You still, didn't get the price money.

Peter:(stands up)Yeah, that's right! I'll go in there, and give them a piece of my penis!  
Brian: You mean, mind?  
Peter: Uh, yeah. _Mind_, not penis.  
Brian: How are you gonna go in there? You're banned from any _McDonald's_ restraunts, now.  
Peter: You're right, Brian.

Peter then sits back down.

Peter: I guess, we can go to _WacArnold's_, and eat there for now on.  
Brian: _WacArnold's_? Their food sucks!  
Peter: Yeah, but it's set in a urban setting, with all of the loveable urban characters! C'mon!  
Brian: Uh, no. I, uh, need to go to _cooking class!_ Yeah, cooking class!

Brian runs off. Peter laughs.

Peter: Well, more greasy burgers for me!

He goes off to the restraunt.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"C'mon. That was only one time." Peter complained. Then he recovered. He looks at the newspaper. "Hmmm! There's a party goin' on at the nightclub tonight. Looks like, it's hosted by Dave Chappelle." he read. "He's very good!" Brian said. "How 'bout we go to that party, instead?" "Yeah, that's sounds like a wise idea, old bean." Peter said. "It's a good thing, I read that newspaper article. Or we would of had a crappy party." "Wait a minute, Peter. Don't you have to be 16 & over to go in there? Or something like that?" Brian asked. "Oh yeah. I forgot all 'bout that." Peter muttered. "Well, the younger scouts have to stay here, while everyone else goes to the club." Peter said. "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing." Brian added. "Should I tell Lois about the change in plans?" "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing." Peter said. "Okay." Brian said and lefted. Peter sighed. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! I was drinkin' juice!" So he went back to drinking his juice.

Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was playing 2 on 2 basketball. They was wearing basketball jerseys of their favorite teams. Of course, Penny's team was the _Detroit Pistons_, & Mercedes' team was the _Chicago Bulls_. Patsy's team or shall I say her favorite player was Allen Iverson from when he was with the _76ers_. Last but not least. Lazlo's jersey was Paul Pierce of the _Boston Celtics_. Anyway, Lazlo & Patsy was winning, and Mercedes & Penny wasn't enjoying this. "Oh fuck! They're winnin'!" Penny sniffed. "Don't worry _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "I'll stop 'em." Then she turned to Patsy, who just happen to had the ball. "Yo, _P_! Ain't dat Dwayne Wade?" Mercedes lied as she pointed off-screen. "Where?" Patsy foolishly asked as she looked around. "**It's a trick, Patsy!!**" Lazlo screamed out to her. It was too late. Mercedes had tripped Patsy. Making her lose grip of the ball. "Good job, _Benz_." Penny laughed as she picked up the ball & went down the ballcourt, and made the shot. Patsy sat back up. "**YOU CHEATED!!**" she snapped. "No we didn't. Dat was stragetgy, _P_." Mercedes lied. Then she turned to Penny. "Wasn't it, _'Nette_?" "Yeah. It was." lied Penny. "You fuckin' cheated & you know it!" Patsy hissed as she pointed angrily in both of Mercedes' & Penny's faces. "Aight! Aight! We cheated. We cheated." Mercedes admitted. "See? Aren't you glad, that you told the truth?" Patsy asked as she was calming down a bit. "No. Not really." Penny muttered. "We could've kept this lie to ourselves for tha rest of our lives." "Yeah. Just like dat lie, when I told yo' mom, dat it was you, who broke into her ride." Mercedes accidently said to Patsy. "_What!?_ **What the hell, was you doin' in my mom's car?!**" Patsy demanded. "I was just barrowin' some green from her. And this happened, when we was eight, _P_." Mercedes explained.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Eight year-old Mercedes & Penny was visiting Patsy, and was outside of her home. They was playing football. Penny just made a touchdown.

Penny: _Ha!_ Try and beat dat, _Benz_!  
Mercedes:(picks up football) Aight, _'Nette_. I will!

Just before, Mercedes could do anything. Patsy's mom drove up to the driveway, in her brand new car. Penny & Mercedes runs up to the car.

Mercedes & Penny: _Oh snap!_ Nice lookin' ride, Auntee Lori!  
Lori: Thank you, dears. You girls are so sweet. I think, I'll treat you two to something. How 'bout, I treat ya'll to some ice cream?  
Mercedes: _Yeah!_  
Penny: Dat'll be a wise thing.  
Lori: Alrighty then, dears. Just let me put away, these groceries.

She goes inside the house. Mercedes & Penny drools over Patsy's mom car.

Mercedes: Damn, _'Nette_. Do you see how shiny, tha paint is?  
Penny: Yeah! Did you see those rims? Damn, dat's some tight ass 20's. Patsy's mom, be blingin'!  
Mercedes: Yeah.

Just then, Mercedes noticed that Patsy's mom's purse, sitting in the passenger seat. It was open. Mercedes motioned Penny towards her.

Mercedes: Uh, _'Nette_. D'you see, what I see?  
Penny: Yeah, _Benz_. I see a purse, a opened purse. Filled with cash.  
Mercedes: Are you thinkin', what I'm thinkin'?  
Penny: Yeah. Let's steal it!

They go to the passenger side of the car.

Penny: Wait _Benz_! What if tha car's got an alarm, and it goes off?  
Mercedes:(picks up the football) We'll just use _this_ to open tha ride.

She throws the ball at the windshield. No alarm go off. Mercedes & Penny let out a sigh of relief.

Mercedes: Thank god! Now let's get tha green!  
Penny: Dat'll be a wise thing!

They jump into the passenger seat, and took out the money.

Penny: Should we take it all?  
Mercedes: No, let's leave her two bucks.  
Penny: How 'bout her broken windshield? She's gonna know, dat it was us, who threw tha ball.  
Mercedes: We'll lie & blame it on Patsy. Like always.  
Penny: Dat sounds like a tight plan, _Benz_. Ooop! Here she comes!

They quickly get out of the car. Patsy's mom came back out, humming a little tune.

Lori:(humming happily) Alright girls, it time for those...

She looks at the broken windshield.

Lori: What happened to my windshield?! It's broken!  
Penny: Uh, I think Patsy did it.  
Mercedes: Yeah. She was angry, dat she wasn't invited to get ice cream, & threw a stone at yo' new ride.  
Lori:(getting angry) That little bitch!

She turns shaprly towards the direction where Patsy was. She was innocently raking leaves.

Lori: **PATSY!! GET OVER HERE!**  
Patsy: W-What is it, mom?  
Lori: **WHY DID YOU THROW A STONE AT MY NEW CAR?! HUH?! WHY? ANSWER ME, YOUNG LADY!**  
Patsy: I didn't throw a stone at your...  
Lori: **SHUT UP!! NOW GET IN THE HOUSE!**  
Patsy: But...  
Lori: **NOW!!**

Patsy went sadly in the house. Her mother immediately followed. The front door slammed. Mercedes & Penny tiptoed to the opened front window to watch the ass whooping. It cutsaway to Patsy & Lori.

Patsy:(begging on her knees) I-I didn't do it, mom. **It was Penny & Mercedes!** They always doin' shit, behind your back.  
Lori: Annette & Mercedes would never do such a thing. They're good young ladies. They always do what they're told, & never get angry & throw shit at their mothers' cars.  
Patsy: Yes, they do! They always do shit, when no adult lookin' at them! _**I swear to god!**_  
Lori:(starting to take her belt off) There you go, cussin' again!! I bet an ass whoopin' will teach you to cuss & not to throw anything at my new car!  
Patsy:(pleading) **Please mom, no not that!!**

Then her mom whooped the hell outta Patsy. Outside, Mercedes & Penny was laughing their asses off.

Penny: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Patsy's gettin' her ass handed to ger! Did you see how big, dat vein was on Auntee's head?  
Mercedes: Ha! Ha! Yeah! I thought, dat fucka would pop! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Penny: I can't wait to see auntee, when she finds out, dat her money's missin'! She'll explode!  
Mercedes: And she'll whoop Patsy's ass some more!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Come _'Nette_, let's get dat ice cream.  
Penny: Should we get Patsy somethin'?

Mercedes: Maybe we should. Patsy's ass is gonna be sore, so let's buy her some popcicles & a bag of ice for her ass.  
Penny: Yeah, dat'll be a wise idea.

The two cousins leave, as Patsy cried from her whooping.  
**_(End flashback)_**

"My ass was sore for two months, because of you two!" Patsy growled. "Well, it at least, it made you more responsible & shit like dat." Penny muttered. "You was a complete mess, before yo' mom whopped yo' ass." Patsy thought about it. "Yeah, you're right, Penny." she said. "I was screwed up. I kept bein' lazy & stupid." "Well, that was interesting." said Lazlo mysterously. "I'm bored." "Do ya'll wanna call it a game?" Patsy asked Mercedes & Penny. "Yeah. I feel like, liftin' weights, anyway." Mercedes said. "Liftin' weights sounds like a wise idea, _Benz_." said Penny. "I need to workout." "Plus, I'm hungry." Patsy added. "Game's over. Lazlo & I won." Penny & Mercedes leave. "So, you want something to eat?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "Yeah. I haven't had a bite to eat, since six this morning." laughed Patsy. "I'm starvin' too. I think, there's some lefted over chicken in the fridge." Lazlo said. "If Raj or Clam didn't finished it." "Yeah. Greedy bastards!" Patsy sniffed. "Always eatin' other people's food."

Back at the cabin, Lazlo took a neatly rolled up newspaper off his bed, and Patsy looked into the refridgerator for the chicken. "Let's see, what's happening in the world today." said Lazlo as he unrolled the newspaper. "It's probably the same shit it always say, dear." Patsy said as she took out a plate of cold fried chicken & big bottle of _'7-up'_. "You know? _Bad ecomony_ this. _Presidental candidates_ that." "Maybe." Lazlo said as he started reading the paper. He was reading, until he read something, that caught his eye. "_Ooh!_ What's this?" Lazlo said outloud. "What is it?" Patsy asked. "It says, that Dave Chappelle's hosting a party at the nightclub, tonight." Lazlo read. "Dave Chappelle. Damn, I wish, we can go to that party tonight, instead of the party here." Patsy mumbled. "Probably we can, Patsy. If Penny bribes the bouncer again." Lazlo said. "Or if Slinkman notices us." "Yeah. He did said to us last year, to come again." Patsy muttered. Just then she notices a white piece of paper, slid under the door. Patsy went to retrieve it. "Looks like a notice from _scoutmaster fatfuck_." "What does it say?" Lazlo asked as he put the newspaper down. "It says. _Attention older scouts. It has came to me, that there's a shing-dig happenin' in the town. So, I've had decided, that I'm lettin' you decide to go there or stay here & attend the party here. Sign your names on the two choices below. You have till the end of the day, to make the choice & turn in the slips. Lovingly, yours Peter Griffin._" Patsy read. "Looks like, you got your wish after all, Patsy." Lazlo laughed as he signed the slip. "Yep!" Patsy added as she too, signed the slip. "Should we sign Mercedes' & Penny's names too?" Lazlo asked. "I think, that'll be a wise thing, honey." Patsy said as she signed Mercedes' & Penny's names. "How 'bout Raj & Clam? Are you gonna sign their names?" Patsy asked. "Hell no. Those two can't party like you, me, Penny, & Mercedes." Lazlo bragged. "Besides, if I brought them along, they'll cramp my style." Patsy thought about what her boyfriend said. "You're right, Lazlo. Now if you excuse me, dear. I have to turn this fucka in."

Meanwhile, at the weight room. Mercedes & Penny was lifting weights. Also in the room was Edward, Stewie, & Nina, who was almost basically ignored in this fic, was lifting weights too. Mercedes noticed them. "Hey _'Nette_. There's yo' two biggest fans over there." she pointed out. Penny turned to see Edward & Stewie. "Oh fuck! How did those two n(bleep)as get untied?" Penny asked. "I'd tied those fuckas up good!" Edward & Stewie noticed her. "Hey there, Ms. Penny." Edward smiled. "Hey, Ms. Mercedes." "Hey _hip hop girl_! Hey _fancy car girl_!" Stewie smiled as he greeted them. "Lookin' good!" "What tha hell, does he meant by dat?" Mercedes asked Penny. "Well, you did had dat erotic massage from _midget Eddy_." Penny said. "Oh yeah. I forgot 'bout dat." Mercedes muttered. "Fuck Lois! **Fuck Lois! FUCK LOIS!!"** Nina exclaimed as she slammed down her weight. The weight broke. "Damn, _double N_. You sure broke dat weight." Penny pointed out. "You have to be ready, when you're called out to hurt somebody, Penny." Nina bragged. "Like hurtin' _huge-assed nostrils Lois_?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah! I hate that fuckin' stupid bitch!" Nina sniffed. "You're not the lone ranger there, giraffe girl." Stewie said. ""I hate her, of course." "I hate dat skank!" Mercedes sniffed. "She always gettin' high!!" "I hate her, 'cause she always have dat vacant look on her face!" Penny sniffed as she lifted her weight. "**I HATE HER TOO!!**" Edward shouted the loudest. Everyone looked at him & was silent, until Penny spoke. "What did she did to you?" "**She called me a duck!! And tried to hug me!!** **She did it on purpose, too!!**" Edward sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Edward was just minding his own business. When _Big-nosed Lois_ bumped into him.

Lois: _Oh!_ Just look at the cute little duck! Isn't he cute?  
Edward: I am not a duck! I'm a platypus!  
Lois: You're a duck in self denial! You're a cute little duck, that's in self-denial.  
Edward: I'm not a fuckin' duck!! **I'm a fuckin' platypus, you stupid bitch!!**

Lois then picks him up.

Lois: You're the same size, as a teddy bear. I think, I'll give you to Stewie. His old teddy bear's got all the stuffing coming out of it.  
Edward:(pissed now) **LETMME GO!! NOW YOU STUPID BIG-NOSED SLUT!!**

He jumps from Lois' hands. He takes out his club, and started beating up Lois. The audience laughs at this. Soon, Edward was done.

Edward: There, Done! That'll teach you, stupid whore!

He leaves. Lois was bleeding & bruised.

Lois: T-T-That wasn't nice. S-S-Silly toy duck.

She passes out. Then Peter runs into the scene & kicks Lois, and the audience laughs.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"What a stupid 'ho." Mercedes laughed. "She is, isn't she?" Edward asked. Everyone nodded. Just then, Quagmire walks into the scene. He had a couple pieces of paper. He gave them the papers. "What tha hell's this?" Penny asked. "Just read it." Quagmire said. So Penny read the paper. "So, _big boy_'s gonna take us older scouts to tha nightclub tonight." "**I'M IN!!**" Edward exclaimed as he signed the slip. "Me too." Nina said as she signed the slip. "I hope, I'm not the one, who has to be here, with the younger scouts. That would suck!" "I hope, _P_ signed our names." Mercedes said to Penny. "We both don't wanna be tha ones stuck here." "Hopefully, she did." Penny started. "If she didn't, it wouldn't hurt to sign our names, _Benz_." "Yeah. It wouldn't hurt." Mercedes said as she signed her named. "I say, let me see the slip, platypus." Stewie sniffed. Everyone looked at him. "What?" Stewie asked. "Is Lois gonna let you go to the nightclub?" Edward asked. "Oh, I'm sure, she will." Stewie replied. "Now give me the slip!" Edward gave him the slip, and Stewie signed it. "Now wit dat done, I'll turn 'em in." Mercedes said. So everyone gave her the slips, and she went to turn the slips in. Edward turned to Penny. "Can I give you a erotic massage, Ms. Penny?" "Hell nawl! Now git yo' ass away from me!" Penny sniffed. Quagmire ran up to her. "How 'bout _I_ give _you_ a erotic massage?" he begged as he shook her, making her chest bounce a bit. Penny grabbed him by his neck & beat the living shit outta him. Everyone else & the audience laughed & cheered. Soon, the ass beating was over. Penny dusted off her hands. "**Cheeky ass muthafucka!**" Then she went into her pocket, and took out a list of names. The names were. Edward, Eddy, Stewie, & Quagmire. Edward, Eddy, & Stewie's name were already crossed out. "There! Tha bastards, dat I got back is done!" Penny exclaimed happily as she crossed out Quagmire's name. "I gotta go rest for tha party later."

At Peter's office. Mercedes was at the fat man's desk, when Patsy walks into the scene. "Hey Mercedes." she greeted. "I see, that you got that party notice." "Yeah, _P_." Mercedes said. "_'Nette_ & I signed it." "Oh. So ya'll signed yours. I already signed your names on mine & Lazlo's." Patsy muttered. "You did? Well, it can't hurt, if fat ass sees two slips, wit mine's & _'Nette_'s signatures on it." said Mercedes. Just then, Peter comes up to his desk. "Hey there, Ms. Smiles. Ms. Mercedes. What do you want?" he asked. "We wanna turn in, these trip slips." Patsy said as she & Mercedes gave him the slips. "Okay." Peter said. "How are you two doin'?" "We're doin' fine, _greaseball_." Mercedes said. "Do you two wanna hang with me?" "What?" Patsy asked. "Do you wanna hang with me?" repeated Peter. "No thanks. We've got so much shit to do." Mercedes lied. "Yeah. We've got to get ready for that party." Patsy quickly added. "Oh. Okay then." Peter said and lefted. "Damn! Dat's just as weird as a lion in tha city." Mercedes said.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
A woman, wearing a suit & tie was driving her car. She passed by a lion holding a sign, that says; _'Do lion stuff for cash'_. The woman pulls over, and rolls down the window.

Woman: So, you do lion stuff?  
Lion: Oh yeah.

Woman: What kind of stuff?  
Lion: I can kill a hyena for you. Or I can have sex with you.  
Woman: I don't care for the first thing, but I care for the sex thing! Get in!

The Lion gets in the woman's car. It cutsaway to the woman's bed. The Lion & the woman just had sex.

Woman: _Oh god!_ Now that's sex. _You do better than my husband_.  
Lion: I know, that's right. Now bend over & let me tap that ass!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

It was now getting dark. Peter was back at his desk. He was sleeping, when Brian walked in. He had a small box. He set it on Peter's desk, which woke him up. "Ah! Who'd there? Who'd there?" "It's me, Peter." Brian said. "Oh. What's that?" Peter asked as he pointed to the small box on the desk. "It's the signed trip slip forms from the campers." Brian explained. So Peter opened it, and sort out the forms. "Young, older, older, young, young." Peter called out as he sorted out the forms. "Young, gay, stupid, tomato, pizza, burger, fried chicken, & spicy! There! That's that." "_Oh my god. What an asshole!_" Brian muttered to himself. "Brian, gimme the mike." Peter ordered. "I need to make an announcement." Brian gave him the microphone. "_Attention campers. Anus. I repeat, anus. I thank you all for turnin' in your slips. I also like to thank the older scouts. You guys get to party with me tonight!! As for the younger scouts, I feel sorry for you. You get to stay here, with my boring wife. Hee!Hee!Hee! That is all!_" Peter than turned to Brian. "Did ya hear, what I said? _'Lois is boring'!_ _Ah!_ That's so true!" he laughed. "_Yeah. I heard you. How would you like some knocked out teeth._" Brian muttered. "What?" Peter asked. "What?" Brian asked.

Meanwhile, Lazlo, Mercedes, Penny, & Patsy was getting ready for the party. Raj & Clam was already ready. "C'mon Lazlo. I'm ready to party." Raj whined. "Yeah! Hurry up, before not on the list!" Clam said. "Alright, shut up you two. I'm ready!" Lazlo sniffed as he put on his shoes. "So, am I." Mercedes said. She was wearing a red crop top shirt, her bling, some black jeans with the legs rolled up a tiny bit, to show some of her legs & socks & she was wearing black & white _nikes_. Lazlo looked at her. "Man, Mercedes. You sure _look_ sexy!" he said as he smiled at her. "Thanks, _G_." Mercedes said as she put on a black flat cap on her straightened red & black hair. Lazlo took out his keys. "Okay, you two bastards. I'm ready to go!" he sniffed to Raj & Clam. "Finally." Raj sniffed. Patsy & Penny was now dressed in their clubbin' clothes. Mercedes turned to them. "Hey _P_. Yo' boy & his n(bleep)as already lefted." she said. "Okay." Patsy said as she took out her keys. "It's time to split." "Dat'll be a wise thing." Penny added.

Outside, Peter was waiting for everyone. "Alright, shut up now." he ordered. They did. "Okay, we're leavin' now! Younger scouts. Go near Lois. A-And try not to be bored to death! _See ya!_" Everyone started leaving, Peter stopped Meg, Almondine, & Nina. "Wait a minute, you three. You can't go. You're way too boring, lame, & unpopular to come." "_What?!_ **But _we_ got dressed up for this!!**" Meg sniffed. "Do I look like _I_ actually care? Nobody cares about _you_ three!" Peter laughed as he went away. Lois comes up to them. "_Oh!_ We're gonna have _so_ much fun! First, we're gonna do this & we're gonna do that. Blah, blah, blah." she said. "Can we kick the shit outta her now?" Almondine asked Meg. "Soon my friends." Meg said in a evil voice. "Pretty soon."

At the nightclub. As expected, there was a long line for Chappelle's party. "I say, old beans. Take old your money, so you can bribe off the bloody old bouncer." Peter said in the annoying british voice. Everyone groaned at Peter's stupid action. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ I love sayin' stupid shit!" he laughed. Lazlo, Clam, & Raj was at the end of the line, when Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes came along. "Where was you guys?" Lazlo asked. "We was stuck in traffic." said Patsy. "Yeah." Penny sniffed. "Fuckin' bastards." "LA's one hell of a drug." Clam said. Everyone looks at him. "What?" Clam asked. "Just keepin' it real." "Well, just don't be fake about it." Mercedes sniffed. "Dat'll be a wise thing." The line was going at a reasonable pace. "Well, at least the line's goin' at a reasonable pace." Lazlo said. "Yeah." said Patsy. Mercedes decided to have a conversation with Penny. "You know _'Nette_. I would like to get my hands on those thugs, and get dat green." "I know, _Benz_." Penny said. "But tha problem is, where can we find 'em?" Just as Penny said that, out from the side of the building, was _Big Man_ & his thugs. They had their stolen loot, weapons, & a crowbar. "Aight. Now bitches, pick out some wheels!" he ordered. So his cronies searched the entire parking lot. "How 'bout this one?" said one thug, pointing to a black Jeep Cherokee, which was Mercedes'. "Nawl! Dat ride, might have an alarm." Big Man sniffed. "Picked another one.

While the search continued, one of the thugs snuck into the club. Everyone was having a great time. Dave Chappelle was hosting it. "_Aight bitches_." he said on the mike. "_Are you havin' fun?_" "Yeah." the party crowd answered. "_What?_" Chappelle asked doing his Lil' Jon impression. "Yeah." the crowd answered again. "_What?_" Chappelle asked again. "**_YEAH!!_**" the crowd answered, most getting pissed from Chappelle's bit. "_Huh?_" Chappelle asked once again. "**SHUT UP!! NOW GIT ON THA FUCKIN' GROUND!!**" shouted someone. It was the thug. He'd took out his gun, and shot it into the air. "**GIT DOWN, NOW!!**" he shouted again. Everyone, except Slinkman, Peter, & Chappelle got on the floor. "Now hold on a minute. You can't hold up this party." Slinkman sniffed. "_I_ don't have all year." The thug turned to him. "Do _you_ wanna be shot?" he asked as he pointed the gun at the slug. "T-T-The money's in that safe o-o-over there." stuttered Slinkman as he pointed off-screen & got on his knees. The thug went towards Chappelle. "_You!_ Funny man. Git on tha floor, too!" "N(bleep)a. **You _must_ be crazy!**" Chappelle sniffed. "I ain't gettin' on no floor." "Aight then." the thug said. "Have it yo' way then." Then he aimed his gun at Chappelle's kneecap, and shot at it. "**Ow!** **You shot me in my knee!**" Chappelle cried. The pain from the gunshot made Chappelle get on the floor. "Now!" the thug started. "I need wheels. Somebody, throw me yo' keys!!" Peter burped. The thug turned to him. "Aight, _cool breeze_. **Gimme yo' keys!!**" "_Oh damn!_ I haven't felt this stupid, since..." Peter started before the thug interrupted him. "**Don't you dare go into a fuckin' flashback, or I'll blow yo' fuckin' head off!!**" he sniffed. "Okay. Okay. I won't! **I won't!**" Peter exclaimed as he threw his car keys at the thug. "Ha! Thanks, fat boy." the thug said as he grabbed the keys. "Peace, bitches!!"

Back outside, Lazlo, Patsy, Mercedes, Raj, Clam, & Penny was still in the line. "Damn. I hope this party's wroth it." Patsy said. "Don't worry, _P_." Mercedes said. "Chappelle's, always throw crazy parties." "I wonder what my bloods, Hilary & Jamal are doin'?" Penny wondered.

**_(Cutaway to Detroit)_**  
Penny's younger brother & sister; Jamal & Hilary was out trick-or-treating. Well, they was doing pranks & stealing candy.

Jamal: C'mon _Hil_. Just light tha damn fuse already & split!  
Hilary: Aight! Aight! Shut up, it's lit!

They take cover in the nearby bushes. Hilary just lit up some dynamite. It was placed next to a house.

Hilary:(laughing, while looking from the bushes) When those n(bleep)as get some of dat candy, they'll git blown away! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
Jamal: And so will, tha crib!

He then hears someone coming.

Jamal: _Oh snap!_ Someone's comin'!

Some trick-or-treaters went to the house. The fuse on the dynamite was getting shorter.

Hilary: _Oh shit!_ Here _it_ comes!

The dynamite went off. The house, & the trick-or-treaters were blown away. Jamal & Hilary came outta of the bushes. All of the trick-or-treaters' & the homeowner's candy bags flew to them. They grabbed the treats.

Hilary: I thought, dat wasn't gonna work! I'm glad dat it did! Wise idea, _J_!  
Jamal: Well, what do you expect from someone, who was born, ten minutes before you?  
Hilary: Well, I was expectin' you would say; throw eggs & toliet paper. You know, dat old fashioned shit.  
Jamal:(starts hearing police & fire sirens) Stop fuckin' around & split! 5-0's are comin'!

They run off into the night.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Just then, Peter & Chappelle came running out of the club. "Stop those bastards!" he shouted. "What's wrong, _greasey_?" Clam asked. "Some thug's stolen my car!" Peter sniffed. "Plus, those n(bleep)as ruined _my_ party!" Chappelle added. Just then, Peter's car peeled out of the parking lot & stopped at Peter. _Big Man_'s head popped out of the window. "Thanks for tha wheels, playboy!" he said smugly. "We out!" Then _Big Man & co._ drived into the night. "There goes my brand new car." Peter groaned. "Lois is gonna hit me with a fryin' pan." "What? Yo' bitch hits you with a fryin' pan?" Chappelle asked. "Yep." Peter said. "She just throws it at me. Uh, what was we talkin' about again?" "Yo' ride just got stolen." Mercedes replied. "Oh yeah. That's right!" Peter said as he turned to Penny. "Ms. Penny. Since you're a pro at shootin' a gun, I want you to go after them, and get my car back!" "But I don't have a gun." Penny said. "Here, you can have mine's." Peter said as he threw Penny the gun. "It got bullets & everything. So be careful & all that." Peter said as he went back inside the club. "Well, looks like I got a job to do." Penny said. But before Penny lefted, Mercedes stopped her. "Wait a sec. I want to join you, _'Nette_." "Aight, you can come, _Benz_." Penny said. Then she turned to Patsy. "Do you wanna come, _P_?" "No thanks Penny." Patsy said. "I don't want to fuck up my clothes." Penny laughed. "Always thinkin' about yo' looks. Always thinkin' about yo' looks. I don't blame you. I wanna stay were it's safe, too." Then Mercedes drove up. "Well, time to get those fuckas!" Penny said as she got into the suv. "**Get those bitches from ruinin' my party!**" Chappelle called out as Mercedes & Penny drove out into the night. "Why do I smell a 70esque montage?" Lazlo wondered. "Probably, because it's gonna be at the beginning of the next chapter, dear." Patsy said. "**Disco inferno!**" Clam said. And with that, I'll end this chapter.


	4. Finally, party nite arrives part 2

Finally,.....party nite arrives(part 2)

This chapter picks up from, where the last chapter lefted off. _Big Man & co._ was speeding through the night. "_Damn!_ Can't ya'll steer? Damn!" Big Man sniffed. "I'm tryin' dawg." said one thug. "I'm tryin'!" "Well, just try not to get noticed by anyone!" Just several cars back. Mercedes & Penny was following the gang of thugs. "How are we gonna get them?" Mercedes asked. "Well, since yo' doin' tha drivin', I'll lean out tha window & blast at their ride." Penny said as she put the bullets in the gun. "Are you sure, dat's enough bullets?" asked Mercedes. "I don't think so, _Benz_. _Fat ass_ only gave me fourteen bullets!" Penny sniffed. "Well, I got some caps, somewhere in tha trunk." Mercedes said. So Penny jumped into the back. She picked up a 400 lb. bag of bullets, and another gun. "Damn _Benz_. What's up with these caps & this _semi-auto_?" Penny asked. "Oh, dat? I need dat, just in case I have to bust a cap in some n(bleep)a's ass." Mercedes said. "You can take those and dat _semi-auto_ , _'Nette_." So Penny loaded the bullets into the gun, and she loaded up her(Peter's) gun up. "Aight! Both guns are filled up! They're ready to kill!" Penny said as she jumped back to the front seat. "Did you put on tha bulletproof vest, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "What? There was some bulletproof vests?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "There's a pack of 40, next to tha bullets." So, once again, Penny jumped into the back & put on the vest. Then she went back to the front. "So, are you ready now?" Mercedes asked. "Yep." Penny answered. "Aight then. It's time for tha 70esque montage." Mercedes said as the 70's disco, _'Shaft'_-like music started playing.

**_(70's montage)_**  
Mercedes started chasing Big Man's stolen car. Big Man noticed them.

Big Man: _Holy shit!_ Looks like, we got a bunch of chasers after us! I know how to stop them!

He rolls down the window, and starts shooting at them.

Penny: _Oh snap!_ Those n(bleep)as are shootin' at us!  
Mercedes: Not to worry, _'Nette_. This suv's bulletproof. Now, shoot back!  
Penny:(rolls down the window) **TAKE DAT, YOU FUCKAS!!!**

She shoots at Big Man, making him drop his gun. The gun bounced off the road, leaving a trail of sparks.

Big Man: _Fuck!_ **Dat was my only gun!** **C'mon ya'll, start shootin'!**

His thugs break out the windows in Peter's car, and shoots at Mercedes & Penny. Penny & Mercedes responds by shooting back at the thugs. They was good shots.

Mercedes: _Ha! Ha!_ Got 'em!  
Penny: Got one! Damn _Benz_! I didn't know, dat you can drive & blow a cap off at tha same time!  
Mercedes: Years of trainin', _'Nette_. Years of trainin'! Get on tha horn there, _'Nette_ & call 5-0s.

So Penny got on Mercedes' cell phone & called the police. Back at Peter's car, Big Man & gang was almost out of bullets.

Big Man: **Dammit!** Those chasers must be pros, cause everytime I shoot, they shoot tha fuckin' gun from my hand.  
Female thug: Damn, me too! Those fuckin' bastards!  
Thug: Uh, we outta caps!  
Thug#2: And we outta guns, too!  
Big Man: **Damn!** Well, throw these old raggety records, dat happened to be here.

So they started throwing Peter records, which was many copies of _'Surfin' Bird'_. I won't go into details about this song, cause Peter'll come out of nowhere & start singing it. Anyway, they throw out the records. Mercedes noticed this.

Mercedes: What tha fuck's dat?  
Penny: Looks like, they throwin' records, _Benz_.  
Mercedes: They must've ran out of guns & caps. Dat's why, they throwin' _Big Boy_'s records.  
Penny: _Fat ass_, ain't gonna like dat, when we tell him, dat they threw his records away.  
Mercedes: Yep! Now shoot out a tire, _'Nette_. Dat'll be a wise thing!

Penny then leans out the window & aims at the thugs' tires. She shoots the right rear tire.

Penny: _Ha!_ Got 'em!  
Thug: **Dammit!** They shot out a tire!  
Big Man: As long, we don't hit a hill, we'll be fine!

Big Man was wrong, because they was coming towards a San Francisco-like hill. Mercedes notices this.

Mercedes: Here comes a hill! **Time to get 'em!** **Get 'em, _'Nette_!**  
Penny: Aight!

She leans out of the window & aims at the left rear tire. She hits it.

Penny: _Ha!_ **Got dat bitch!**  
Mercedes:(slowling down) Let's stop & watch tha crash!  
Penny:(takes out a box of popcorn from out of nowhere) Dat'll be a wise thing!

So Mercedes stops the suv. The thugs' car, with both rear tires blown off, started fishtailing. When it got to the hill, it flipped over. It barreled down the hill, showering sparks & pieces of glass & metal. After seven minutes, Peter's wrecked car finally rested in front of a _7-11_ at the bottom of the hill, as the 70's montage & music ends.  
**_(End montage)_**

"_Damn!_ _Dat was tight!_" Penny awed. "It sure was." Mercedes said. "Now let's drive down there." So she drove them down to the wreckage. "I wonder, if those fuckas in there are still alive?" Mercedes wondered, as she pulled over. "I dunno." said Penny. "By tha way, dat car kept flippin' over & over, I doubt it." "Well, get tha chains, & yo' gun just in case, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she got out of the suv. So, they went towards the now burning wreckage. There was nothing but a deadly silence coming from it, but Mercedes & Penny kept their guard up, as they surveyed the wreckage. "I guess, they're all dead." Penny started to say, before she was interrupted by a sound coming from the buring wreck. The sound sounded like someone was groaning. "Someone must still _be_ alive!" Mercedes exclaimed. Just then Big Man & three of his thugs crawled out of the wreckage. "_Ah! Damn!_ Feel like, I was in a beatdown." Big Man groaned as he wiped some blood off his face. "Yeah. I feel tha same way." the female gangster said. They turned to see Mercedes & Penny. "Was dat ya'll two mongooses, who was shootin' at us?" Big Man asked. "Yeah. It was!" Penny answered. The third thug looked at them. "_Damn!_ Ya'll look sexy! Especially, tha one wit tha red & black hair! She's got tha junk in tha trunk!" "**Don't make me shoot yo' ass!**" Mercedes shouted as she pointed her gun at him. Just then the police finally came. There was a surprise coming to Penny & Mercedes. The cops came out of their car. "Well, well, well. Look what we got here. _Big Man & co. 'Nette_ & _Benz_." the female officer said. Penny looked at her. "Lela? Is dat you?" "Yeah. _'Nette_, it's me." Lela, their cousin, said. "Anyway, we've been lookin' for these guys." "Well, _Benz_. Looks like, we've accidently caught tha bank robbers." Penny said. Just then Lela's twin sister; Kyla arrested Big Man & his three remaining gang members. "Yo' asses is gonna git hard time!" she shouted in Big Man's face. "_Damn!_ Have you ever heard of a breathmint?" Big Man sniffed. "**Damn!**" "**Shut tha fuck up!**" Lela shouted at Big Man in defense of her twin. "You have tha right to remain silent, n(bleep)a!"

Soon Big Man & his three cronies was in the squad car. Mercedes & Penny was explaining the entire chase to Lela & Kyla. "Damn, _'Nette_." Kyla awed. "Have you ever think 'bout joinin' tha police force? We need shooters like you." "Thanks, but no thanks, _K_." Penny said. "I'm more interested in tha music business." "So, do ya'll wanna go to tha nightclub?" Mercedes asked. "Dave Chappelle's hostin' a halloween party." Kyla looked at Lela. "Should we, sis?" "Well, since it's almost tha end of our shift, & we caught tha dangerous bank robbers." Lela said. "Yeah, let's go to tha party! But let's get those bastards to jail first, dat'll be a smart move." "Aight then." Penny said as she went back to Mercedes' suv. The police investigated the scene. The fire department put out the fire on the wreckage, and the ambulance picked up the dead bodies of the thugs of Big Man's gang. Mercedes got back in her suv, and drove back to the nightclub.

Back at the nightclub, Patsy was sitting at a table. She was worried about Mercedes & Penny. Lazlo noticed this. "What's wrong, Patsy?" he asked. "Oh. I'm just worried about Mercedes & Penny, dear." Patsy muttered. "That's all." "I'm sure Penny & Mercedes are fine." Lazlo soothed. "They can take care of themselves." Patsy looked at him. "You know, honey. You're right. They can take care of themselves. Just like the time, the doctor said, that they never will lift anything heavy again, & they proved the doctor wrong."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Mercedes & Penny arms was in slings & bandages. They was at a doctor's office. They was looking around.

Mercedes: _Damn!_ This place's loaded!

Penny: I bet, dat damn doctor, always rise tha rates, to get this shit!  
Mercedes: Maybe.

Just then, the doctor came in.

Doctor:(opens two folders) Alright, Ms. Smiles & Ms. Smiles. Looks like your arms are healing fine, but it looks like, your not gonna lift anything heavy ever again.  
Mercedes: You mean, no more weight liftin'?  
Doctor: Yep.  
Penny: No more liftin' cinderblocks?  
Doctor: Yep.  
Mercedes: No more, throwin' people?  
Doctor: Yep.  
Mercedes+Penny: _Oh damn!_ What can we do?  
Doctor: You can just sit like statues. At home. Away from me.

He then pushes them out the door.

Doctor: _Whoo!_ I thought, they never leave!

He then presses a button, and a bunch of girls, in bikinis appears out of nowhere.

Doctor: **Time for my sexy party!** **YEE-HAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

At Penny's house. Mercedes & Penny was watching tv. They were bored to death.

Mercedes: Damn, this sucks!  
Penny: Yeah.

Mercedes: And does this show! Too bad we can't turn it.

Just then, Penny's sister; Kelly, came in, and sat right next to them.

Kelly: So, I see, dat prick still didn't take off those bandages yet?  
Penny: No. Cheeky rich bastard.  
Mercedes: **We can't do shit!**

Just then, Mercedes' arm slipped out of the sling.

Penny:(noticing Mercedes' arm) Uh, _Benz_. Yo' arm slipped out of yo' sling.  
Mercedes: It did? Oh, I better put it back on.

Then Mercedes noticed something.

Mercedes: **Wait a sec!**

She takes the sling off & moves her arm.

Mercedes: My arm's healed!** _K_! Give me somethin' to lift!**

Kelly gives her a cinderblock.

Kelly: Just be careful, _Benz_.

Mercedes lifts the cinderblock fifty times.

Mercedes: You know what? I think, dat bastard scammed us!  
Penny:(takes off her bandages & and lifts the cinderblock) I'm startin' to think yo' right, _Benz_.  
Kelly: _Oh snap!_ Dat fuckin' doctor made a ass outta ya'll!

Penny:(pounding her fist into her other hand) I think, we should pay dat doctor a visit!  
Mercedes:(grabs a bag full of clubs) I got tha clubs!  
Kelly:(picks up her car keys) And I got tha keys!  
Penny: Aight then! Now let's go!

They arrive back at the doctor's office. They walked up to the receptionist desk.

Receptionist: May I help you?  
Penny: Yeah. We're here, to whoop Dr. Numbnutz's ass!  
Receptionist: So, you expect me, to let you go in there, & beat the doctor to a pulp?

Mercedes & Penny nodded.

Receptionist:(grabs her purse with a smile on her face) That's fine with me! I'm takin' my lunchbreak. See ya tomorrow!

The receptionist leaves, as Penny & Mercedes went towards the back. The doctor was having another sexy party, when Penny & Mercedes busted in.

Mercedes: Well. Well. Well. Look what we got here? A horny piece of shit here, _'Nette_.  
Penny: Yeah, tha cheeky c(bleep)t! Havin' wild parties! In tha expense of people's _hard-earned_ money!  
Dr. Numbnutz:(surprised to see Mercedes & Penny) Oh! M-Ms. Smiles a-and the other Ms. Smiles. D-Do you got a-a-a appointment?  
Mercedes:(cracking her knuckles) **No, but yo' face got an appointment wit my healthy, unhurt fists!  
**Penny:(cracking her knuckles too) **Mine's too!**

Then she turns to the doctor's sexy girls.

Penny: Ya'll leave now! We're gonna beat tha shit outta him, now.  
Sexy girl: That's fine with us. We've got to go & help society.  
Numbnutz: **NO! DON'T GO!!! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE, WITH THESE.....**

But he was cut off, because, Penny & Mercedes started beating him up. It cutsaway to sometime later. The dumb doctor was drinking at a bar. Quagmire was with him.

Numbnutz:(holding his aching head) _Oh damn!_ What a day.  
Quagmire:(takes a sip from his beer) What happened?  
Numbnutz: A couple of my patients, whooped my ass. It sure, doesn't pay, to do malpratice. Especially, if your patients are smarter & stronger than you.  
Quagmire: That's why, I'm a airline pilot! You get more chicks that way! _Giggity! Heh! Heh! Alright!_  
Numbnutz: I tried that, but I failed at the security test!  
Quagmire: Oh! The only way to pass that, is to shove stuff up your ass! It always works for me!  
Numbnutz: Besides, I'm gay.  
Quagmire:(move a bit away from him) Uh,..that's nice.  
Numbnutz:(looking dreamily at Quagmire) _You're_ so good lookin!  
audience:(oohs & laughs)  
Quagmire:(looks at the camera) Let's end this flashback now, before he makes a move! That'll be a wise thing!  
**_(End flashback)_**

Just then, Mercedes & Penny came into the club. "What are we gonna tell _Big Boy_, _Benz_?" Penny asked Mercedes. "Well, we can tell tha truth, dat tha thugs wrecked his car & records." Mercedes said. "I hope, he doesn't freak out, over his favorite records bein' broken in tha chase." Penny said. "You know, how he reacted when _B_ & tha kid stole his original record." "Yeah, I know." Mercedes said. "He went accusin' everybody over somethin' stupid." Peter noticed them & ran over to them. "So, did you bring back my car?" he asked. "'Cause, my records are in that car!" "Well, fatty. I've got some bad news." Mercedes started. "Tha thugs threw out yo' records at us & totaled yo' car." "**_What happened to my 'Surfin' bird' records?!?_**" Peter asked gritting his teeth. "Yo' records got thrown into tha street & tha thugs wrecked yo' ride." Penny repeated to Peter, like she was a teacher & Peter was a student. "Did _you_ pick them up?" Peter asked, trying to hold in his anger. "**No!** **We was too busy, shootin' at tha thugs, tryin' to stay alive, drive, & save yo' ride, to stop & get yo' old raggety shitty records!**" Mercedes sniffed. Peter freaked out. "**MY _'SURFIN' BIRD'_ RECORDS!!! THOSE BASTARDS!!!!!!**" Penny & Mercedes lefted the fat crying baby & went towards were Patsy was sitting. She notices them. "_Oh!_ Thank god you guys are alright!" she said as she let out a sigh of relief. "So, how did it went?" "Well, _P_." Mercedes started. "We chase them. They shot at us. We shot back. _'Nette_ shot out their tires. They wreck down tha hill. Some of them was killed. Tha thugs came out of tha wreck. They were tha bank robbers, dat we've been wantin' to capture. Tha cops came. They arrested tha punks. Now we're here." "Whoa! That must've been cool." Lazlo awed. "It was one of tha tightest things dat I ever experienced, _G_!" Penny exclaimed happily. Just then, Chappelle walked up to them. "There ya'll are! Did you get those bitches, dat wrecked my party & shot my knee?" "Yeah." Mercedes answered. "_Oh, we got 'em alright._" Penny muttered to herself. "_We got 'em alright._" "Some of them were killed & tha rest were arrested." Mercedes said. "Oh." Chappelle muttered. "**DAT'S GOOD! IT SERVES THOSE BASTARDS RIGHT, FOR FUCKIN' UP MY PARTY!!!!**" Then he recovered. "You two deserve a treat. I'm gonna let ya'll host tha party." Mercedes & Penny smiled. "Do you mean it?" they both said in unision. Chappelle nodded. "If you want us too." Mercedes said. They get onstage. "Yo! What'd up yall. _Big benjamins Penny_ here." Penny said. "And yo' girl, _Lake Michigan Benz_." Mercedes announced. "We'd gonna be bring back an old school beat." "Yeah, Coolio's _'Gangsta's paradise'_." Penny added. "Today's artist could learn from this shit. **Play dat fucka!**" So, _'Gangsta's paradise'_ started playing, and everybody's dancing. "_Ah!_ There's nothin' like dat old school beat, isn't it sis?" Lela asked Kyla, who somehow quickly dropped off the thugs at the jail & are there dancing. "No one can't beat tha old school." Kyla said. "This is my jam!" "Damn, I gotta watch dat movie; _'Dangerous minds'_, when we get home, blood." Lela said. "Yeah, dat cool movie. Let's have some fried chicken wings, _Kraft's Mac & cheese_, biscuits, & some of dat _'Squirt'_, when we get home." Kyla suggested. "**Yeah, let's!**" exclaimed Lela happily. "But lot more wings, hot sauce, & lot more bottles of _'Squirt'_, then tha mac & cheese & biscuits."

It was soon 1:30 a.m. now. Everyone's back at camp. It had started raining. Lazlo was dragging Raj's & Clam's sleeping bodies. "I knew, that they couldn't party like me!" he sniffed. "Bastards!" "They should've stay here." Patsy laughed as she was getting undressed in the bathroom of the cabin. "Yeah. Kids like dat shouldn't be partyin' at a nightclub, anyway." Penny sniffed as she got into her bed. Mercedes had her small dvd player in her bed with her. Lazlo noticed this. "What are you doin', Mercedes?" he asked. "Oh, I just playin' my copy of _'The Fresh Prince of Bel-air'_ season 1's Halloween special, _G_." Mercedes explained. "Why? What for?" Lazlo asked. "Well, _G_. It's one of my family's special traditions, dat we do every halloween, back in _Chi town_." Mercedes explained. "We all get around, & watch this special. But tha reason, I watch this, because of tha credits theme was different." "Yeah, they used a totally different theme." Penny added. "I burned a cd of dat theme. It's in my ride." "Can I listen to it?" Mercedes asked her. "Yeah. Matter of fact, I'll burn you one, first thing in tha mornin', _Benz_." Penny said as she got into her bed. Soon Lazlo was in his pjs. "Well, this had been some interesting fic." he yawned. "Yeah, it sure was." Patsy said as she too got into bed. "Especially, this chapter." "Yeah, a whole lot of action & shit like that in it." Lazlo yawned. "I wonder, if Meg's gotten Lois yet?" Patsy wondered.

**_(Cutaway to Peter's room)_**  
Peter & Lois just got to bed. Like always, Peter was eating & Lois was explaining her night.

Lois: Oh Peter! Everyone had a good time! There was games, candy, & all that!

Peter:(eating his _Arby's_ ham & melted cheese sandwich) So, everyone had fun, despite bein' with a borin' person like you!  
Lois: What?  
Peter:(finishing his sandwich & downs his soda) Shh! Go to sleep, crazy lady.

So Peter turned off the light, & they went to sleep. Lois was barely asleep, when a dark shadow figure grabs her. She struggles & the figure hits her, making her stop struggling. She soon wakes up to see Meg, Almondine, & Nina looking cross at her. They was holding weapons & some bags of treats.

Lois: Meg? What are you doin'? Why are my arms tied? Why are you......  
Almondine: **SHUT UP!!!!!!**

She slaps Lois in the face. Meg presses her face against Lois' big ass nose.

Meg: Didn't I tell you, that I'll get you? **Now, we're gonna get you!!**

She turns to Almondine & Nina.

Meg: **BEAT HER, UNTIL SHE DOESN'T MOVE!!!!**  
Nina:(laughing deviously) **A pleasure!**  
Almondine:(cracking her knuckles) **Time to flatten that nose!  
**Lois:(pleading & in tears) Please Meg. **_I'll_ do anything!** I'll treat you better! I'll.....  
Meg: **TOO LATE FOR THAT, YOU SKANK!!!! NOW YOU SUFFER!!!!**

Then Almondine, Nina, & Meg started beating up Lois as the audience cheered & laughed.

Meg:(laughs deviously) After this. _Fat ass_' next!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Probably." Lazlo said as he turned off the light at his nightstand table. "Good night, Patsy." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy yawned sleepily. Then they went both to sleep. Penny was getting sleepy. "You know, _Benz_. This has been an interestin' chapter starrin' us." she said. "Yeah, _'Nette_. It was." Mercedes said as she took out a bag of Nacho cheese flavored _Doritos_. "I wonder, if we gonna have more chapters, starrin' us in it in future fics?" "I dunno. Maybe." Penny yawned. "I can't wait 'till we get dat award money." "I can't wait eithier, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "_L_ & _K_ said, dat they'll give us somethin' a lil extra in tha award money." "Probably, a lil more cash." Penny said, before yawning some more. "Well, g'night, _Benz_." Penny said her last words, before falling asleep. "G'night, _'Nette_. See you first thing in tha mornin'." Mercedes said. Then she opened a can of _'Cherry coke'_ & took a sip. "_Oh snap!_ Dat Carlton's funny as hell!" she laughed as the scene fades to black.

**_(Audience applauses)_**  
It shows a freeze frame of Lois. All beaten up & bloody.  
The _'Fresh Prince of Bel-air'_'s _'Someday your prince will be in effect'_ closing theme plays.

**Starring:**  
Seth MacFarlane as Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Enimem, man in audience, thug#1, runner, McDonald's cashier, lion, & Dr. Numbnutz

Carlos Alazraqui as Lazlo, Clam, camper, radio announcer#1, Mario Joker, & bank teller

Alex Borstein as Lois Griffin, Debra Daniel, & woman

Jodi Benson as Patsy Smiles, Lori Smiles & Almondine

Mila Kunis as Meg Griffin

Tom Kenny as Slinkman & man at McDonald's

Jill Talley as Gretchen, Nina Neckerly, & sexy girl

Jeff Bennett as Raj

Mr. Lawrence as Edward, man at bank

Mike Henry as Cleveland Brown, smart alreck thug, thug#2

**Also starring:**  
Lori Alan as Diane Simmons & receptionist

Matt Hill as Ed

Tony Sampson as Eddy

Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson & McDonald's cashier

Nancy Cartwright as Nelson Muntz

Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson

**Special guests:**  
Dave Chappelle as himself

Terry Crews as Big man

Taye Diggs as Criminal Killers announcer

Jacob Vargas as Joker

Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. as thug#3, smart thug, & 7-11 cashier

Lil' JJ as Jamal Charles Barkley Smith

Lela Rochon as Lela Smiles

Essence Atkins as Kyla Smiles

Da Brat as Mercedes 'Benz' Smiles & female thug

&

Alicia Keys as Annette 'Penny' Smiles, Kelly Tamala Smiles-Jones, & Hilary Shayla Smiles

End


End file.
